Happy Father’s Day!

So I am a day late. It’s the thought that counts. And Happy Father’s Day to all of the Fabulous Fathers out there!  Your influence and love is highly respected and underrated.

Kind of like this balloon:balloon

 

WTF = With the Family

My daughter came home with a new purse.  And it is a super grown up person purse.  I think I am going to miss the suede fringe purse person.

Purse

My son asked if he could borrow my car.  “Why?” I asked him.  “Because mine doesn’t have any gas,” he replied. Mine is a brand new 2016 Nissan.  This is his. I gave him gas money.

MPJ Car

Another school story: 

So my daughter is taking 6 classes this summer which is super hard. The class she is taking now is Business Communications.  She was tasked to do a group project presentation.  Here is our text messaging:

Me:  I reviewed your outline and added shit
Christina:  Thanks. You’re the best!
Me: And I only rolled my eyes a little bit
Christina: LOL.  Why did you roll your eyes?
Me: Seriously?  Your topic is “Fashion in Different Cultures.”
Christina: Well, yeah. Okay?
Me:  That’s Business?
Christina: I don’t get it.
Me: Nevermind millennial thing.
Christina: I still don’t get it.

Watch her get an A.

Boca lounger

This is a Boca Lounger. It is actually a piece of exercise equipment that we have hauled to four different states and never used.  Correct that.  Boca uses it.  It’s his personal $149.00 napping lounge chair.

My Management Final Exam

Well, it’s not really my final exam.  It is actually my daughter’s summer class in Management. Of course I would help her since I do have a boat-load of management experience.  So I offered to help her with her final. I thought I did a pretty good job…

What are major differences between the Wagner Act and the Taft-Hartley Act? One was enacted in 1935 and the other in 1947.  Duh.

Define “ethics.”  What you are supposed to do when people are looking.

What drives unethical behavior in the business world?  Donald Trump.

How do you as “Big Boss” know work is being accomplished?  First of all, I resent the inference that I am “Big.”  And secondly, I know work is being accomplished because I get a paycheck every Friday.

What are KPI’s and how are they established?   Killer Penis Implants.  You throw them against the wall and see if they stick.

Describe the “Mushroom Theory of Management.” Well, you take a special mushroom and cook it up in water and drink the resulting tea-like beverage.  And then you go to your employees and tell them how you really feel.

What is work? According to Fifth Harmony: “Cuz I gotta go to work, work, work, work, work. Let my body do the work, work, work, work.”

In the 20th century, Henry Ford established a department in his factories to gain more than brute force from workers. What was the name of this department?  The Henry Ford Department of Gaining More Brute Force from Workers.

What must we have, as managers, to deliver high quality products, low costs and high customer service?  A really smart Assistant Manager.

What two things do all managers need? Coffee in the morning and chocolate in the afternoon (May substitute potato chips as needed).

What is the difference between motivation and reinforcement?  I will motivate you by threatening to kick your ass into working and then reinforce it by actually doing it.

For what are managers paid?  To keep issues from escalating to their boss.  Or HR.

Why don’t workers want to work? Why don’t writers want to write?  Why don’t cooks want to cook? Why don’t teachers want to teach?  This question is way too profound to reply as a short answer.  Therefore, I recommend that it is removed it from the exam.  Thank you.

List three types of teams. Fencing, Debate and Team Sheldon.

Why do workers need maintenance?  Because if they don’t have maintenance, they will rust.

List four questions you would ask in an interview.

  • Do you like to color?
  • Do you have a pet gerbil?
  • How many bicycles would fit in a 3 bedroom/2 bath house WITHOUT a garage?
  • Do you think Mary Poppins would have been an effective boss? Why or why not?

Explain how a simple breakfast meal serves as a reminder of the difference between commitment and involvement?  I am committed to making sure everyone knows I want Co-Co Wheats for breakfast.  I am involved by actually making the Co-Co Wheats and then eating it.

Tom Petty vs. Katy Perry – A Comparison of Concerts

I have been to both – the older generation vs. the new generation.  I can only hope that Katy Perry will still be touring to sold-out concerts when she is Tom Petty’s age. Here is my take on comparing the two concerts:

  1. We aren’t as loud at the Tom Perry concert. Yes, we are happy and loud but not “decibel piercing tween angst screaming” happy loud.  And we definitely sing louder (and better) with Tom Perry.  Hell, all he had to do was start singing Free Fallin’ and the audience pretty much just finished it for him.
  2. We sit. We are old.  We do not stand for a three-hour concert.  We sit because we are civilized, old and tire easily.
  3. Wait for it… Wait for it.. 10 minutes in and you had the sweet wafting scent of marijuana.  No red bull hysteria and/or pills.
  4. We can afford the $15 frozen margaritas. And the $10 beer and the $6 pizza and the $50 dollar t-shirts (two of them). Because we work. And then we enjoy going to a good concert.
  5. You won’t see any bored adolescent attendees at a Katy Perry concert. But kudos to the teenager who was obviously bored to tears while his parents enjoyed the music. Flip that to give credit to the many dads who brought their tweeners to the Katy Perry concert.  (But the dads who wore the tiaras and pink boas went a bit over the top).
  6. We leave as soon as the encore is finished.  I kept telling my daughter that “American Girl” would be the encore so she had to wait to the very end.  Which it was. We also guessed the encore for Katy Perry as well with Dark Horse.  Tom gave us two; Katy gave us one.
  7. Lighters at Tom Perry; cell phone flashlights at Katy Perry.
  8. Joe Walsh was the opening act for Tom Petty. To this day I cannot remember who opened for Katy Perry.  Or what they looked like; or what they sang.  Not that I was much better with Joe Walsh. I was disappointed when I discovered he didn’t sing Cover of the Rolling Stone
  9. Katy Perry flew over the audience for her concert on a swing. Not that anyone would expect that from Tom Petty but I have to give that one to Katy. She even dropped glitter.  It was the same venue so Tom COULD HAVE dropped a glitter bomb or two if he wanted.
  10. No dancing with Tom. Lots of dancing with Katy.  And Katy had costumes. With twinkle lights! And awesome set decorations. She shared pizza with a lucky birthday girl.  And had really cool film pics and video on huge screens.  Tom had his Heartbreakers band; a drum and a piano and two backup singers who were sisters. He had screens but they were just close up of him and the band.  And no pizza.  While Tom may have the history,  Katy was definitely more entertaining.

But for what it’s worth. The best ever ever? Barry. The self proclaimed “Justin Beiber of the 70’s.”  Here is a pic from his concert (yes, my husband took the picture and yes, I was THAT close. Best. 30th. Anniversary. Gift. Ever!)  I still have the streamers.

 

 

 

 

Yes it was totally my fault but that isn’t going to stop me from bitching about it.

We were booked on the last flight of the day.  We had a stop over in Atlanta with our connecting flight not leaving until after 10:00 pm. So by the time we landed, got our luggage and found our car in the parking lot (this time I actually remembered where I parked) it was almost 1:00 am when we got home.

But that didn’t mean I could sleep in the next day because I only took four days of vacation, not five. Making sure my usual three alarms were set, I played games on my phone until I was so sleepy it slipped from my hands and hit my face.  Which was my signal that it was time to go to sleep.

The alarm went off the next morning at 5:45 am.  I immediately turned that sucker completely off and turned over going right back to sleep.  At the 6:00 am notification of time to get up, I hit snooze. Okay four times and finally got up right before 6:20 am. Since I was running late, I hurried and got out the door in 20 minutes.

As I backed my car out of the garage (a story I also need to share soon – I’m in the garage!) and headed down the road, I noticed that the car clock said 5:48 am. WTF? I thought it must be wrong but then it was kinda dark out — maybe it was the cloud cover.  As I drove to work, I turned on the car radio.  When Pat and Jill in the morning said it was almost 6 am I was dumbfounded. What the hell happened?

Well, I learned something new. If you are in the Eastern Time Zone and do not remove your “Airplane Mode” from your phone, while you may live in the Central Time Zone, your phone will not. So I was still on Florida time.  And yes, the thought to turn my ass around and go home to sleep for an hour did cross my mind.  But by that point, I was on the highway and committed. Pissed but very committed to the commute.

Good news is that traffic was super light so made good time to work.  And when I parked on the street where there were plenty of spaces so early in the morning.

In the office, Shirley was the first person to mention that I was in early. When I told her what happened, she thought it was pretty funny.  I still did not think it was funny.  I had to have an energy drink to stay awake and as soon as my boss came in, I told her I was leaving at 3:00 pm since I got to work so early. Except I had a scheduled Skype meeting at 3:00 pm so it was actually after 4 pm before I left.  So go ahead and laugh. But I learned my lesson and will never use airplane mode again. Next time I am just going to turn the damn phone off.

Dog Pills

I went to the pharmacy to pick up Casey’s prescription pills.  Our 7.2 pound 16-year-old Yorkie has a plethora of health issues:  Seizures, deaf, blind, wonky back leg (too old for surgery) but he is still the most adorable pet ever.  Especially when he bounces out the pet door to go into the back yard and starts barking furiously at nothing.   He is so proud of himself when he saunters back inside the house. You would think he just saved the entire family from being run over by a pack of feral cats.  We used to yell at him to quit barking, but he doesn’t hear us anymore so we quit.

Back to the pills:  I asked for Casey’s medication.  The pharmacy tech looked it up on her computer and said: “OMG do you really live on Bow Wow Lane?”

I didn’t have the heart to play with her intelligence.  I told her someone put that in for our dog’s address years ago and we just never changed it.  But it was pretty funny.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

LWL Musings #62

I gave my son my department store credit card to go buy some clothes.  All I can say is I am thankful he has a girlfriend.  Because when the receipt was auto emailed to me, the first item listed was “Lacy Thong” for $12.99 ($6.00 on clearance). Obviously a little tidbit of information that he didn’t know about.

Because I have a long commute I get to bitch.  I can’t understand how  there can be three lanes and all traffic blocked for miles.  On my way home today I just wasn’t in the mood.  So I frogged the entire 22 miles going home at 80 mph. And I was totally okay if I got a speeding ticket. But I would be damned sure that the notation “Consistently used blinkers for all lane changes” was printed on it.

Don’t you hate it when where you go to get groceries is dependent upon what you are wearing?  Crappy clothes = Walmart.  Nice clothes like after work you go to Publix or Kroger. Sometimes I think I would rather pay more at a nicer store than fight the people of Walmart.

We tried the family vacation at the FL Keys. Yeah, just didn’t work for me.  I did dishes, took out trash and ran to the bait store as the designated driver way to much.  My husband and I have scheduled a FL Keys do-over.  We are old. We get to do that.

Pool next to Beach was pretty awesome, though:

FL

Me at Starbucks drive-thru:

“I’d like the Unicorn Frappuccino”
          “We no longer have those”
“Can I have a Mermaid Frappuccino?”
          “No, those are over too”
“Do you have an Ice Cream Frappuccino with pink glitter?”
          “Ah, no.”
“How about a descending blue color Frappuccino?”
          “No.” (Clearly my intercom guy was done with this game but there was no one behind me in the drive thru so I HAD to do one more…)
“How about a That’s What She Said Frappuccino?”

Alas, I got my usual.  But I tried.  If he would have just asked for ingredients I swear I would have made something up that included vanilla, chia tea, caramel, glitter sprinkles and extra whipped cream with nutmeg on top.