LWL Musings # 93

I woke up one morning to go to work and discovered my son had made brownies in the middle of night.  I grabbed one and put it in a baggie to add to my lunch for the day. Then I thought about it a bit more. I sent a quick text to my son: “I took a brownie for lunch today. Please text me if I SHOULD NOT eat it.”  Didn’t hear anything back, ate the brownie.  Later my son asked me about the text.  He didn’t get it at all until I explained it to him.  Then he thought it was pretty funny.

Overheard in the grocery store: “My boyfriend is kicking me out the apartment and said I had to be out by the end of the month.  Well, that means I have two weeks to walk around the apartment naked to show him what he ain’t getting no more until I leave.”

I once told a teenager that you cannot call an infant an asshole. I mean, you should wait until the child is at least 4 or 5, right?  And the fact that this is even a conversation means that they are so not ready to have children.

My girlfriend told me she had a conversation with a guy about being “friends with benefits.”  He responded by saying that he already had medical insurance and didn’t need to have that kind of relationship.

Text to my husband:

text2

As soon as I asked my husband if he knew where my special nuts were, I knew the answer was going to be bad.  (Even worse, they were in my son’s room.  Normally one never eats any food that has been in his room but I made an exception.  I mean, they had cashews AND pecans!)

My daughter calls me Bougie because I quit scooping the cat litter box and just throw the whole thing away twice per week.  Boca is 14 and I guess it will be me and the litter box from now on.  Sucks.  And I use the expensive febreze cat litter too.  Cuz you don’t mess with cat pee.

 

No More Hallmark Movies for me!

My girlfriend lives for the Christmas Hallmark movies.  She was so excited that I thought I would give it a try.  She even texted me the Hallmark movie schedule.  So I spent 10 minutes looking for the damn channel amongst all my other cable channels and started recording some of them. (Not being able to fast forward through commercials would be a deal breaker for me).  But I just couldn’t.  Because here are ALL the plots for EVERY Hallmark Movie:

  • Someone will have amnesia
  • They are single because their partner died – NEVER Divorce
  • Someone is going to agree to relocate by the end of the movie
  • The first kiss will be interrupted- twice
  • There will be a snow storm
  • There will be a misunderstanding

Seriously, I tried.  I really did.

Hallmark

 

Hallmark2

Okay, so it is official.  I am officially banned and can no longer watch any Hallmark movies.  I am okay with that.

 

 

LWL Week in Pictures

I don’t think I have ever seen an uglier bed. When this home gets sold they better take the bed with them! Ugly Bed

I know it is getting colder. My heated throw came out earlier than usual this year – didn’t even make it to Thanksgiving.  But hey! They match my comfy slipper socks!Sock and blanket

Don’t tell my sister but I am getting this for her for Christmas.  So she can knit Dora.Knit Book

“Does this box make me look fat?”Boca box2

We will NEVER sell our house in the fall!  The leaves are just ridiculous!House and leaves

This is the inside of a hand sanitizer next to a gas station.  Seriously? Dirty hand dispenser

Comfy Cat!

Boca Sleep2

 

Bad Boca or Good Boca?

It never fails. The quicker you need to get out of the house in the morning to get to work, something comes up.  And of course it is all about the cat.  Everyone knows you can’t get out of the house without feeding Boca wet cat food. I mean, you can but you also have to face the consequences of what he will do to whoever is left at home.  And it is relentless.

Well, I wouldn’t have to meow and scratch and carry on out here in the hallway if she had taken the time to feed me my Fancy Feast Shrimp Fiesta dinner.  But NOOOOOO!

Well, this morning I was running late.  I grabbed my stuff and was about to open the door to the garage when I noticed the “Boca Hunt Position” from the corner of my eye.  So here is my dilemma:  Pretend I didn’t see it and leave.  Or address the situation. With a heavy sigh, I put all my stuff back on the counter and proceeded to work the hunt.  Of course saying “Bad Boca” just reinforces the issue but you still have to say it as I leaned over in search of whatever critter Boca had captured.  And you never know if it is something that was already in the house (Good Boca) or something he had brought into the house through the pet door (Bad Boca).

It didn’t take long before Boca caught the small mouse.  I was so good – didn’t shriek or curse or anything. Because I was PREPARED!  As soon as Boca caught it, I yelled at him to DROP IT and immediately caught it using an empty plastic container (Of course, I put the wet mop thingys in a plastic zip lock bag).

Then I had to put a book on top to make sure after I left Boca wouldn’t get it again.  And left it for my husband.

Boca Mouse

Then I went to work. An hour or so later, I got this message:

Boca mouse text

I was pretty proud of myself.  Boca is 14 years old now – I guess that would be considered middle age for a cat.  But he will forever be king of the house.

Oh yeah, don’t let my husband know he took a nap on top of his clean laundry…

Boca sleeping

The Hopeless Romantic I am Not

I will be the first to admit that I am not the romantic type.  My husband is used to it and we have an understanding so all is good.

I think it started with our second wedding anniversary.  I totally missed it.  Whiz – day went right by.  Then the next week, the next month.  By the time I remembered I think it was at least two months afterwards. When I suddenly realized my major faux pas, my husband did not say a word.  He walked over to the hall closet, opened it up and pulled out my anniversary gift and handed it to me.  I still feel bad about that day.   So now I use technology and put my anniversary in my phone under “dates to remember.”  I still have to make sure I don’t just ignore the reminder.

Which brings me to a different story.  Around this same time, my sister-in-law gave Michael and I a wonderful anniversary gift.  It was a matte frame picture of a song that included a space for a picture.  The problem?  I had absolutely NO IDEA what it meant.  Although I KNEW it was supposed to mean something.  Linda finally had to tell me that the song was from our wedding ceremony and I was supposed to put one of our wedding pictures in it.  Yeah, totally over my head.

Because this is how it went down:

Kay Marie (friend from work):  I would LOVE to sing at your wedding!

Me: Uh, okay.

Kay Marie:  I usually do two songs – which two would you like me to do?

Me: I don’t care, you can pick.

And that was the end of that.  Kay Marie did have a really good voice and was free so it was pretty nice of her.  But to this day I have no idea what two songs she sang.  Linda knew.  And how she found such a nice framing matte of the song was pretty cool. I just wish I would have gotten it.

I haven’t changed.  And the reason I know that is from this text message that I recently sent to my husband;

Text1

My Learning Curve

After much whining and complaining, I finally have an iPhone.  I decided I needed to move from my android to an iPhone after having four different people tell me how much easier an iPhone is to operate. (Which is probably telling of itself if four people had to even make that comment to me, right?)

My husband quickly informed me that with this new phone, I have lost any and all tech support from him and will now have to contact my daughter.  And since I can now facetime with her, that alone is totally worth it.

But now I have to learn a new phone. Which includes a bit of a learning curve which recently included being cursed at by a stranger.

What started this whole ordeal was a text message from a long term contact that I had not heard from in forever.  I was so excited to get the message along with a new contact phone number! However, when I went to update my contact information, I dialed her old number by mistake. And immediately hung up.  I mean, after a nano-second. Oops.  New phone and all.

Sure enough, within two minutes I had a call back.

“You just called me.” After a couple of statements, I realized that this was NOT my friend but some stranger who obviously now had my friend’s old defunct phone number.

I was not rude, but only made the comment: “Wow, you know you don’t have to call back a number you don’t recognize.”

The response I received was a bit over the top: “Bitch, you called me you stupid ass.”

Okay, then.

But obviously this caller could not end it there.  I also received a text message that stated: “You called my phone you dumb cunt.” Now, I seriously do not condone such language and the word “cunt” is among the top of my most hated words.  Yet there it was.  In Text.  To me.

So it is reasonable on my end to want to block this old, defunct phone number to avoid being called bad words. (However, I did text back “I’m sorry” as proof that I am absolutely NOT that word).

I called my daughter who quickly showed me how to block the number.  Click on the icon, scroll down to block and “Block this caller.”

So I think I have this issue resolved and will be more careful about sharing my feelings to strangers.  Besides, as I was trying to figure out to block her number, I inadvertently dialed it three more times.

 

 

LWL Musings #12

  • I had to text my son to ask him what year he graduated from high school.  And then I felt bad because as his mom, I probably should already know that.  But I didn’t. With all that guilt I probably will never forget now.  On a positive note once I know one kid’s graduation year, I can figure out the other.
  • Sometimes when I come across those stories on the Internet about the worst bridesmaid dresses, or ugliest 80’s hairstyle or People of Walmart, I sometimes think that I am going to click on the next picture and see myself in an embarrassing photo.
  • I told my husband I needed to buy new bras. He told me to go shopping this weekend and get them.  Silly man. I guess he just doesn’t realize that it takes at least 3 months to talk my mind into doing that.
  • I have always had going to Burning Man on my bucket list.  Except I was looking at their website on all the rules and they said you were only allowed to bring 1-ply toilet paper.  Yep, not going.
  • Ran across these two pictures from people trying to sell their house:House for sale1Dead House for Sale

For some reason I don’t think they listened to their real estate agent.

  • For the life of me I get songs from Foreigner and Journey mixed up.  I know them all, I just can’t tell who sings them.  Which is really irritating to my husband who knows everything about all the bands.  And don’t even ask me if the song is by Boy George or George Michael.