My Snow Day

Yeah!  Work called a snow day.  Which would be great except I get to deal with this all day as I try to work from home:

Boca work from home

Christmas 2017

We had one of those minimal Christmas this year.  By that I mean I only put up the tree and one box of ornaments (and when I say “I,” I actually mean my son’s girlfriend – I rather like this one).  It was enough to say MERRY CHRISTMAS and enjoy the lights without all the work.

And we had a great Christmas:

  • I found out that my son opened up the tin box with the Papa John’s gift card and had been using it prior to Christmas.  He only had a $4.32 balance left on the card Christmas day.
  • My husband bought me a new laptop. I got him a wallet. Which took me two tries because he told me the first one I got for him hurt his ass.  I guess wallets to men are like purses to woman.  Which brings me to…
  • My “To Lori From Lori” gift this year was a new purse and wallet. I have been complaining about needing them for months.  I even bought a new purse a few months ago. Used it for one day and then pulled my old purse from the trash because I ended up hating it.  We are so far so good with my Christmas purse.
  • I have this one gift that I have been trying to re-gift for two years.  I was so happy when my daughter told me she would take it and give it to her boyfriend’s mom.  Except she didn’t and I got to unwrap it for a second time on Christmas Day.
  • My son is a voracious reader so we always get him a BAM gift card. This year I tried to also buy him a book by one of his favorite authors.   When he saw the gifBiblet was a book, he said he would “bet me $100 that if I got him a book, it would be one that he already had.”  Which pissed me off.  So I wrapped a second book and put it under the tree.  It was this one:
  • Don’t you hate it when you get a gift for someone and then have gift regret?  You know, when you know you really should give it to them but secretly want to keep it for yourself?  That happened to me this year with a pink sequined heart pillow that I gave my daughter.  I hid it from her so she couldn’t take it home with her. But then she missed it and took it later.  I sent her this text message: “Heart pillow texted me and wants to come back home.”  I got this response:

 

  • Heart Pillow

I would buy another one but it was the only one the store had.

An End to a Tradition

For the past 25 years I have sent out an annual family Christmas letter.  And I know there are many annual Christmas letters that are horrendous and boring and all they do is make you feel bad.  I’d like to think that mine was not like that.  Because I really tried to make it funny and not talk about the new job, wonderful vacation, over-achieving children or perfect family.  More often than not, I would be bitching about my son still living at home and the 4 pound rat that my cat brought into the house as a play thing.  One year my husband and I had a great debate on whether or not I could include an awesome picture of roadkill in my Christmas letter (he won, I didn’t put it in).

I started the process the same: I purchased my Christmas cards that were covered in glitter and picked up some really cute stickers for the envelope from the Dollar Store.  Spent way too much time deciding on what holiday themed stamps to buy and updated my Christmas address list.  Except when I started to write the letter, I had…nothing.   Which was really weird, right? I mean, I am the person who once wrote a letter to my mom and dad from college.  When my dad asked my mom what I said, she told him it was three pages about doing my laundry in the college dorm laundry room.  I should not have this problem.  Yet, there I was – twenty drafts of an annual Christmas letter that was just – boring.

Maybe some of it was because when I re-read the 2016 letter we really didn’t have much change. My kids were basically in the same place.  My husband and I at our same work.  All the pets were fine.  Same house.  Same commute to bitch about.  Same old.  Which is probably good, right?

I remember when we lived in Las Vegas.  My 11th grade daughter came home one Sunday after spending the weekend with a friend and told me how happy she was that she had a boring family.  And to clarify this, I got to hear about an angry person and drugs and a 911 call and two girls locked in a bathroom on a Saturday night.  Compared to that, I was grateful we were boring as well.

So to those of you who read my blog and usually get an annual Christmas letter, I am sorry I didn’t send one out this year.  I tried.  I really did.

May everyone have a Happy, Healthy and Financially Secure 2018. snowman

LWL Musings #99

So when I pulled up to the drive thru window and the McDonald’s worker person made a comment about all the hot air when I rolled down my window to pay, I MIGHT ADMIT I had the heat in the car a little too high.

I received this email:  “male-enhancement just started following you at http://laffwithlori.com. They will receive an email every time you publish a post. Congratulations. You might want to go see what they’re up to! Perhaps you will like their blog as much as they liked yours!”  I am just so confused. Should I go look at their blog? Will I really like it?  Should I just be happy to have someone follow mine?  Or maybe I am just reading way too much into this…

It’s annual Christmas Letter time.  Trust me, my letter is never one about bragging about the family.  In fact, this year it has a lot of groveling about my adult millennium son who is “gliding” through life these days.  I am still searching for lounge pants that have the days of the week printed on the ass.

It is so irritating that my husband is now off work until after the 1st.  I hate having to get up when he doesn’t.  I told him he could at least be a sympathetic vacation person and get up when I do and then go back to bed after I leave.  Nothing irritates me more than the comment: “Will you turn off the light?”  But that’s okay.  Sometimes I get to let a very hungry cat into the room,  shut the door and then leave.

My son texted me:  “Can you buy me beer?”

Me:  “Are you getting along with dad?”

Son: “If you mean avoiding him, then yeah.”

He got beer.

My husband needed a new wallet. So I got him one.  But he doesn’t like it. And the reason I know this is because I found his old wallet under my pillow one night.  I guess it is a hint.  He deserves a new wallet – you should see the new purse and wallet he got me for Christmas.

This is a picture of a dog that knows how to take a good nap:

Casey sleep

 

Christmas Package

When you have a family member in the Navy and want them to know how much you care:

Ryan Pkg

Our Thanksgiving Dinner

For the record, I did tell everyone:  I am not a good cook during the year so you should not expect anything different on Thanksgiving Day.  My husband was in charge of smoking the ham.  And I was in charge of everything else.

We have the exact same holiday dinner menu for both Thanksgiving and Christmas:

Ham, Mashed Potatoes and gravy, dressing, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, homemade mac and cheese, dinner rolls and apple pie.  The same. Every year.

Except this year, my husband INSISTED on using fresh green beans for the green bean casserole. I told him no, my kids told him no – but we didn’t win.  So we had fresh green beans. I got to hear Christina complain for the entire 30 minutes it took her to cut them up.  And yes, I totally agreed with her that opening up two cans of Del Monte Green Beans would have been so much easier. The problem is that my husband assumed way too much.  So we just took the freshly cut green beans and mixed them with the rest of the stuff and stuck it in the oven for 30 minutes.  Which resulted in a green bean casserole with hard, uncooked beans.  I will reiterate that I said it was a bad idea.  (and my son insisted on a do over the next day).  Even though I now know we are supposed to COOK the green beans first I am not doing that again.

The mashed potatoes were gummy.  My son didn’t know what gummy really meant until he put the spoon in the potatoes and the whole thing literally came out of the bowl. Now he has a real life experience of what gummy potatoes are. (For the record, this is one of two times per year that I actually peel real potatoes).

I usually use Stove Top Stuffing.  This year someone at work raved about how good Kroger brand dressing was.  So I made my poor husband scout the store for 3 hours until he found some frozen cornbread stuffing. I should have read the instructions in advance. I know Stove Top is done in 5 minutes; had no idea the frozen kind took over an hour.  Which meant it was ready to eat 45 minutes after we finished eating our meal.

Have to remember that when you put the marshmallows on top of the sweet potatoes and put the oven on Broil – you need to keep an eye on it the whole time.  Not a good idea to do that and then walk away.  I knew this – I was just so upset that my damn green beans were raw that I was distracted.

The gravy from a jar and dinner rolls from Sara Lee were perfect.  And Marie Callender made a great apple pie, as usual.

The ham was great and even the pets had some for their dinner.  It did make everyone pretty thirsty.  Abbey had to wait for Boca to finish drinking.  I did tell Boca to hurry but he just looked at me and still took his sweet time. Abbey just patiently waited and waited and kept looking at me to do something. She should know by now that even I am scared of the cat.

Abbey water

5 Short Stories

My daughter moved out again.  I am excited for her.  I went to clean her bathroom after she left and when I turned on the shower to rinse it, all the water came crashing down on my head.  Yep, she took her shower head with her.  First of all, I have to ask if that is included in the “I’m taking all my stuff with me” and second of all, I am damn impressed that she took it off and put it in her apartment bathroom all by herself.  Now I know why she asked to borrow a wrench.

And then there is “the mop issue.”  Seems there is an argument over who has to purchase a mop for the apartment.  My daughter feels like her roommate should buy it since she has supplied the vacuum.  (And of course, the vacuum came from our house since we had an extra one).  A few issues here:

  • The area in their apartment is so tiny it would literally take her less than five minutes to hand mop it using a wet towel.
  • We have a mop and I graciously offered to let her have it.  Except it wasn’t THE MOP that was needed.  Evidently a self wringing mop isn’t going to work.  They want the auto squirt and disposable pad type mop.  Yeah, they can work this one out on their own.
  • My husband is going to get so tired of hearing about this mop issue that if she waits him out, he is going to go out and buy her one.  Unfortunately this is something my daughter knows as well.

You know, I didn’t think I would miss buying her stuff so much.

 

I literally had a Fried Green Tomatoes moment the other day. I was waiting and waiting for a parking spot with my blinker on and then this stupid car cut me off and turned right in front of me and stole my VFR (family abbreviation for Very Front Row). I was so pissed. Luckily I had a package of marshmallows with me so I opened them and threw them all over her car.  Yeah, I’m not proud but dammit I know I have better insurance.FGT Car

We have now reached a point where we have to purchase special hot dogs for Casey in order to get him to take his seizure medicine twice per day.  And we had to get a pill splitter to make them REALLY TINY so he doesn’t taste them.  If he can tell there is a pill in his food, he spits it out on the floor.  I know he is 16 years old and blind and deaf but damn is this getting to be high maintenance!  Not to mention that my husband and I argue about how long to heat the hot dog up in the microwave.