We went to a Renaissance Fair a few weeks ago. It was my second foray into such a venue so this time around I didn’t stare so much at the folks in the costumes. But it is worth mentioning that a woman’s bosom does not really need the whole corset thing. Unless there is a need for a shelf on which to put one’s pint of brew. (See? It is only my second fair and I am already an expert on the lingo). First of all, how in the hell does one breathe with that thing on? And secondly, well I just keep coming back to “my cup runneth over” and I should add “and maketh people stare.” Okay, I did feel a little bad for the few who had nothing there to actually runneth over; bless their hearts. And there was quite a bit of imagination in exactly what can be stored in the bosomy cleavage.
There were a lot more folks in dress this time and despite the heat most all the costumes had lots of layers. But I am still trying to figure out where the whole pirate thing comes in. And I really wanted my husband to wear tights but he said he would only go if he could be king (“It’s good to be the king” was a reference that he used but I didn’t get until he sent the corresponding clip from History of the World, Part I. And I still didn’t think it was that funny and for the record, the whole “I want you to be my wench” totally didn’t work on me). Our friends dressed up, which was cool for them and I wasn’t even embarrassed – probably because those of us in shorts and t-shirts were the minority. And I was really impressed that Jeff was able to pull off a kilt. Not every guy can do that and there were definitely a few there that I would have used as examples without even needing to go into the whole do you wear underwear under a kilt issue. And I am definitely referencing the pickle guy who was really loud and obnoxious – and yes, he really did sell pickles for $1.00.
My husband got to participate in the swordsman duel between the English and French. But he was bummed they wouldn’t actually give him a sword (he tried). And for $50 bucks we purchased our family history and crest; well technically my husband’s family. I am still a bit miffed that my maiden name was not to be found. Although to be fair, this is exactly the same reason why I changed my name when I married my husband.
But the three most important things I took away from the Renaissance Festival were: 1) Very pregnant women should NEVER dress up in a wrench costume, 2) While they are called “privies” they really are just porta potties that smell bad and 3) don’t forget to check for ticks on the way out.