Cremated Remains = Grout mix

When my girlfriend’s husband died, she had a horrible confrontation with her mother-in-law about his cremated ashes.  MIL insisted that the ashes be turned over to her to be interred in the family plot.  My friend was adamant about fulfilling her husband’s request that his ashes be scattered in the Pacific Ocean off the California coast.

My friend did scatter her husband’s ashes in the ocean.  And then she went to Home Depot and roamed the aisles looking for dead body replacement ash.  To this day there is an urn filled with Polyblend Delorean Gray grout in a cemetery somewhere in California. 

Dad’s Car Rules

Years ago when I picked Christina and Michael up from elementary school, they immediately began arguing over who was going to sit in the front seat.  Tired of the arguing, I told them to work it out–to no avail, the arguing continued.  Finally, in exasperation, I firmly stated:  “Daddy’s Rule.”  Not a word from either of them.  Christina sat in the front and Michael sat in the back.  To this day, I have no idea what “Daddy’s Rule” was.  All I knew was that he told me once that he never had this problem because they knew his car rules when he picked them up from school. 

A Card for Everything

Would you consider it poor taste to send a baby congrats card to someone who just had a hysterectomy?  How about if the card doesn’t really say “congratulations” but more of referencing a new journey?  Like a new journey full of post menopausal hormone replacement therapy.  I swear; I am so damn funny in my head.

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