Looking through one of my business magazines this week I found an employment ad that asked for someone with a “great sense of humor and lively personality.” I liked the great sense of humor part but can you please define “Lively Personality?” If I were to apply to the job I think my cover letter would read something like this:
December 8, 2011
Dear Anyone in the HR Department Who Will Take the Time to Read my Cover Letter:
Please accept this letter as application for the position of Quality Review Systems Analyst that was recently advertised in Healthcare Business Executive. I am extremely qualified as I adore chocolate and whipped filling I am very detailed oriented and smart. (Note: The whipped filling part was a stab at the humor requirement…) Additionally I attend Zumba twice per week (sometimes) and I engage in lively conversation with my husband and teenagers to the point where they have to leave the room. I am also energetic, sparkling, animated and vivacious (all synonyms for lively using word thesaurus- added as an example to show how smart I am and how proficient I can use word tools).
I would be a great asset to your company and I would definitely improve morale by providing donuts and cookies to the office on a regular basis, organizing email BINGO and “I SPY” games and performing my own unique (and lively) “We met our monthly goal” dance each month; assuming we actually meet our monthly goal. (Because if you do it too often, it loses its appeal and grossness – trust me, I know this from experience).
In conclusion, I will anxiously await your phone call while watching “History of the World in Two Hours.” (Okay, to be completely honest, I will most probably flip back and forth between Cupcake Wars and a holiday movie on Lifetime since two hours is waaaayyy too long to expect me to watch any documentary).
I look forward to hearing from you over the next six months to a year and wish you a lively day full of humor and chocolate with whipped filling (For the record, a ding dong was attached to this letter – if it is missing then someone in your office ate it before it was delivered to you.)
Sincerely and with warm regards,