My Observations about Online Dating

My sister, Dawn, recently joined a popular online dating site.  She told me she simply did not have the time to meet someone and didn’t want to have to frequent bars.  She tried the grocery store method of meeting men but that hasn’t worked out. 

So this past Thanksgiving Day, Dawn was nice enough to log into her account and then gave me free reign to wander around.  This is what I learned… 

Things NOT to include on your online dating website:

  1. That the Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden or “any sushi joint” is your favorite restaurant.
  2. An intro picture that includes family members.
  3. The statement “I love cats”  (Now, you can definitely love cats, just don’t post it).
  4. That you are “very attractive, financially stable, talented, have class, style, etc.”  (Because when you say it women will immediately know you aren’t).
  5. A self description stating you are “funny and deep.”  Or “quirky.”  Now, you probably are a little quirky; I mean we all are but you do want to get hits, right?  Besides, it is very difficult to measure what “level of quirkiness” is acceptable.
  6. Asking for an athletic woman that is slender with a “washboard” physical characteristic (These types of women do exist; just not in your dating world).  Same goes for “looking for a guy body on a woman” – what the hell does that mean?
  7. Do not EVER use the phrase “Squirt of whipped cream” anywhere in your profile.
  8. Listing the following group as your favorite movies:  A Few Good Men, Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, A Walk in the Clouds. (Extra point if you know which one makes the list creepy).
  9. Have an age range beginning at 25 when you are older than 50 (I mean, really?)
  10. Have the following as your online name:
  • Disneyagogo
  • Imadancer
  • Tippy24U
  • Fredhonchos
  • Carlosalbertomaldonado
  • Nicebadboy
  • LookingforaSoulmate
  • Macktheknight
  • Any reference to “Her Royal Highness”

For the record, I liked the online name of “Jus Sain” and also the guy who wrote in his profile: “I’m just looking for someone who will appreciate it when I mow the lawn.”

I didn’t know that each time I opened up someone’s profile; it sent a message to them that “Dawn” looked at them.  This resulted in a couple of hits for her from some of the guys.  That would have been helpful to know BEFORE I opened up some of the creepy looking guy’s profiles. And I probably didn’t have to look at 36 of them.

My adventure in online dating ended when my husband yelled at me for the third time to “Get off the dating website and make the Stove Top Stuffing” for Thanksgiving dinner.

2 responses to “My Observations about Online Dating

  1. Where were you during my online dating adventure? Best of luck to Dawn.

  2. Okay sis, for the record, online dating has actually proved to be useful for me. Okay I will admit that there were a few scammers who would tell me they love me after one single chat and then they would ask me to buy them a $749 mobile phone so we could talk instead of type (yeah right). The really irritating detail has been the follow up email from “hook up for sex”, but I digress. I have met someone online and we are dating. His pictures did not include family members and his profile made no mention of whipped cream. It took me 59 days to actually meet a nice guy.

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