Glitter Bomb

A glitter bomb is exactly what it says.  You throw glitter all over someone. This has been especially prevalent lately in the world of politics.  Slate magazine’s Stephen Spencer Davis wrote that glitter bombing “could be the most fabulous form of protest ever”.

Little did I know that I was “Glitter Bombing” before it was even popular:

Pumpkin Glitter Bomb:  It was Halloween many years ago and my work decided to have a pumpkin decorating contest.  My pumpkin entry was very whimsical using lots of colorful hard candy and a glue gun.  What made it especially enchanting (to me) was all the baby fine glitter that I had artfully sprinkled all over my creation.  After the contest, I took my glittered covered pumpkin into my accountant’s office.  Not really thinking it through, I blew all the glitter off the pumpkin onto his desk. 

OMG! The glitter went EVERYWHERE!  On his PC, all over his keyboard, on his clothes, in his hair, on his desk.  I was mortified!  I had no idea it was going to be that bad.  And exactly what do you do when your boss walks into your office and spews glitter all over you?  Luckily my employee was very nice about it (or at any rate, was really good at pretending).  Poor guy had to go home covered in glitter (How do you explain THAT one to your wife?)  And that glitter just wouldn’t go away, no matter how much cleaning was done; it was still there a year later.

Stealth Glitter Bomb redeems Bad Parenting:  When my son was around 7 years old, he was just starting to not believe in all those imaginary childhood characters like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and sadly, the Tooth Fairy.  He had lost his tooth and put it under his pillow when he went to bed the night before.  For some reason I forgot to play my part as the Tooth Fairy.  (I am sure it was an important reason; not like I was busy watching a favorite TV show or something like that). The next morning my son immediately woke up to discover that his tooth was in the exact same place he had left it the night before. 

“There is no Tooth Fairy,” he said as he dejectedly walked down the hall to breakfast.

That just broke my heart and I couldn’t believe what a horrible parent I was. Later that afternoon I told my story to a dental assistant friend of mine. 

“Use glitter,” she said.

“What?”

“Use glitter.  Have him put his tooth under his pillow tonight and when you replace it, sprinkle some glitter on his pillow.  He’ll believe again.”

Not really thinking it would work but willing to try anything to make it right, I replaced his tooth with money and sprinkled glitter not only on his pillow, but in his hair as well.

The next morning he got up and came to the table for breakfast. 

“Michael,” I asked “What is all over your hair?”

“What?” He answered.

“You have glitter all over your hair; where did that come from?”

And immediately his little face lit up and he ran all the way back to his room and then I heard a scream: “The Tooth Fairy came!  The Tooth Fairy came!”

I tell you, this little charade worked so well that my almost 9-year-old daughter bought it as well.  She wouldn’t let it go until I admitted that I had done it.

So I would like full acknowledgement that I am the “Glitter Bomb Queen.”  And if I don’t get the title, well I have some glitter just waiting to be spewed over someone.  And trust me; that shit does not come out of hair easily.

 

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