Coming from Las Vegas you would think my husband and I would be great gamblers. But we’re not. We quickly learned that in the long run, all gambling games are set up to favor the casinos. Hence the phrase “The House Always Wins.” So if you want to gamble, fine – but take it as an entertainment expense. Which means my husband and I will save up our date night expenses for one long night at a local casino.
My game of choice is the slot machines. Particularly Lobstermania and Red Baron slot machines. I really don’t like the slot machines with the reels that go around. I am more of the technically entertained computer video screen type. My husband is a bona fide blackjack player. And he is rather good at it. What he isn’t always good at is leaving a table when a stupid player sits down and messes him up.
I did that once. I never play blackjack but my husband talked me into it and then abandoned me. He said I would be fine and the dealer would help me out. (I don’t know about you but I suck at mental math). After one particular hand, the gentleman sitting next to me leaned over and said, “Everyone is really pissed at you right now but I’m not. See if you hadn’t taken that card, the dealer would have busted and everyone would have won.” Yeah, well, fine. I quit.
So this past weekend Michael was actually doing fairly well at blackjack. I was getting a bit tired of my penny slots and had planned on cashing in a few chips that Michael gave me. But then I passed by the craps table. And everyone was having such a good time that I thought it would be neat for me to just stop and watch for a bit. There was this guy next to me who I know meant well, but I did not understand a single word he said as he attempted to explain this game to me. I just kept watching this other guy at the end of the table constantly throw chips down and just wondered how in the hell did the casino worker know where to put them? I finally got a little brave and decided to put a couple of my chips down. Except I was quickly told: “You can’t do that now!” Oh, okay. So I waited until the casino guy gave me a go ahead nod. Then he told me I had to bet a minimum of $40 and also had to put down a dollar chip. Here is where I probably should have left. I did have various colors of chips in my possession. But did I know what each one was worth? Oh hell no. So here I am, a professional with a college degree asking, “Which chip is one dollar?” (I could mentally hear the groans around me). After that played out (I lost, of course) I again put a chip on the table. Next thing I know, the casino worker was sliding five dice toward me to roll.
“But I don’t want to roll the dice!” I told him
“You have to.” He answered in a bored voice. “You put a bet down on the pass line.”
By then my heart was beating so fierce I thought I was going to throw up. But I selected two of the five dice and threw them to the other end. Again, I have absolutely NO IDEA what I was doing. But it must have been okay because I got to throw them six times before they quit sliding them to me with the long wooden pole.
I would have to say that my foray into playing craps is officially over. I’ll go back to my penny slot machines where I bet .15 cents at a time and then bitch when I lose $20 over a three hour period.