I called my girlfriend this afternoon and asked what she was doing. She replied that she was “still in bed, wallowing in self pity.” And while MOST FRIENDS would be understanding and do their best to offer a positive, uplifting response, mine was: “I am soooooo jealous. I want to stay in bed in wallow in self pity all day, too.”
But I can’t. Because unlike my girlfriend, I don’t live by myself. And maybe that is actually a good thing. If I did live alone, I can imagine weeks and weeks of an unkempt kitchen, empty Wendy’s take out containers, unread mail piled high on the counter and unwashed hair. I guess I just want the option.
If I even tried to have a “Lori Wallow in Self Pity Day” I already know how that would work.
10:00 am – My electric blanket automatically turns off after being on for 10 hours. I immediately sense the loss of heat and turn it back on.
11:30 am – Sarcastic comment from my husband: “Sleeping in until noon today? Are you even planning on getting dressed?”
Noon – My son will come in and ask “What’s for lunch?”
12:30 pm – My son comes back to ask: “When are you going to get up? Can you give me money so I can go buy something to eat?”
1:00 pm – “Seriously, mom. I am starving and have to eat.” (This would be the final indication that I will need to give my son some money so he will just go away).
1:30 pm – My daughter knocks on my door: “Can I watch TV in your room? Dad is watching a stupid ball game in the living room.”
2:30 pm – Abbey dog finally tells me she has to pee. And while she knows she could use the doggie door, she would much prefer if I would get up and let her out the back door. Because then I will pass by her food dish and she wants to be fed, too.
2:45 pm – Do a little bit of wallowing but then quickly fall asleep for a short nap.
3:45 pm – Boca cat meanders in and hops on top of the bed, gets comfy and will sleep there for the next several hours. Unfortunately he sleeps where my legs are and will totally ruin my 100% comfort level.
3: 50 pm – Casey dog also wants to come cuddle with me but sees the cat on the bed and decides not to. Because he is afraid of the cat.
4:00 pm – Another sarcastic remark from my husband. Which I completely ignore.
4:30 pm – My son is back with the same food question for dinner. This time I preempt the continued interruption and throw a $20 bill at him.
5:00 pm – I decide to get up and take a shower and then change into clean pajamas. And go back to bed to wallow some more.
5:30 pm – My girlfriend calls me and asks what I am doing. When I tell her I am “in bed wallowing in self pity,” her response is “You go, girl!” (Unlike my husband, she really gets me)
6:00 pm – I catch up on my recorded Cupcake Wars shows.
7:00 pm – Another nap.
9:00 pm – Back to sleep for the night. And the very sad thing is that I will actually fall asleep and stay asleep for the entire night. On a good note, I will be able to get up before 9:00 am the next morning and won’t feel tired.
A woman can dream, right?