The Stealthy Pet Fart

Sometimes I wish I could just go into my bedroom and spend the evening all alone catching up on episodes of Cupcake Wars or reading a book.  But it is never that simple.  Because when I do decide to have an evening “alone” I end up with all the animals with me.


Now, Abbey (my Golden Retriever) I get.  Because Abbey is my dog and every dog I have ever owned is a sleep hound.  So when I go to bed, Abbey is always glued to me, all excited to go to bed when I do.  And she can do this for 14 hours straight; just like me as well.

Casey (Our Yorkie) will only come with me if his owner, Christina isn’t home.  But then he is insistent that I leave the door cracked open a tad because heaven forbid if Christina comes home and Casey doesn’t immediately know it.  You can only take his scratching on the bottom of the door so many times before you just give in.

Boca & CaseyBoca-cat strolls in and out as he wishes.  And when he wants attention, he will get into bed next to me, purring loudly and generally invading any sense of my personal space.  And sometimes bite.  Usually if Casey is on the bed and Boca gets on the bed, Casey will leave.  Because he is afraid of Boca.  Then again, everyone is afraid of Boca.

So last night I was reading a book in bed.  Abbey was in her bed, Casey was lying by the door and Boca was bothering me by rubbing his head against the spine of my book.

And then it happened. The stealthy pet fart.

Now, for those of you who have never had this experience, it is not a good one.  Because the pet fart is totally different from our farts.  For one thing, it is much more odorous – and I don’t mean that in a coconut/Hawaiian incense kind of way.  More like a dead vermin mixed with generic baked beans kind of way.

And you don’t really know which pet is responsible.  For instance, do cats even fart?  I mean, I am sure they must but I have never been in a situation where I know for certain that Boca farted.   I have with both the dogs, though.  Because if there is a sudden fart stench and the dog and I are the only ones in the room; well I am pretty smart to figure that one out.

Of course, afterwards you immediately begin bitching at all three pets, get the febreeze air freshener and spray the room, light some incense, open the bedroom door and turn on the ceiling fan.  Usually within a one minute time frame or you are literally going to pass out from the smell.

And I did eventually find out who the culprit was.  Abbey.  Before midnight my husband was sleeping in the office; I was out on the couch and Abbey was in her bed, farting away with the whole bedroom to herself.  She really has to stop eating cat food.

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