I stopped up the toilet in our master bedroom by using too much toilet paper. So I used the kitchen bath until my husband used it so he had to unplug it.
When my phone alarm goes off in the morning, I reach over and keep trying to turn off my container of tic tacs. I really should either eat the damn things or throw them away.
I went ape shit crazy on my kids when I saw how dirty their toilet was in the upstairs bathroom. I am not kidding; I told them both to move out if they couldn’t property clean a toilet. They immediately cleaned it. (Correction – my daughter immediately cleaned it. Because I don’t want to hear her bitch at me later when she reads this).
I can’t sleep so I get up at 3:00 am and put laundry away. And then start dusting. So my dog gets up and tells me it is time to eat. I don’t want to argue with her so I go back to bed. I have never heard such a desolate sigh from a dog when she discovered we weren’t cooking.
I turn on the electric heater because the air conditioner is blowing on me while watching TV. And then I totally deny that I am using it when someone says anything.
I constantly tell the cat that I am not his private doorman as I open the patio door to let him in or out for the 13th time. We both know I am lying.
“LOOK AT THOSE FEET!” now equals your ass is getting a bath when our Yorkie comes in from romping outside in the mud. He now knows what it means and runs and hides. And I do agree that it isn’t fair that my dog only gets her feet sprayed with the outside hose because she won’t fit in the kitchen sink.
I always order the Berry Almond Chicken salad and medium tea from Wendy’s. One day I decided to go with a Baja salad instead. When I got back home, I had a Berry Almond Chicken salad. Is it sad that they know me that well?