- I stopped up the toilet in our master bedroom by using too much toilet paper. So I used the kitchen bath until my husband used it so he had to unplug it.
- When my phone alarm goes off in the morning, I reach over and keep trying to turn off my container of tic tacs. I really should either eat the damn things or throw them away.
- I went ape shit crazy on my kids when I saw how dirty their toilet was in the upstairs bathroom. I am not kidding; I told them both to move out if they couldn’t property clean a toilet. They immediately cleaned it. (Correction – my daughter immediately cleaned it. Because I don’t want to hear her bitch at me later when she reads this).
- I can’t sleep so I get up at 3:00 am and put laundry away. And then start dusting. So my dog gets up and tells me it is time to eat. I don’t want to argue with her so I go back to bed. I have never heard such a desolate sigh from a dog when she discovered we weren’t cooking.
- I turn on the electric heater because the air conditioner is blowing on me while watching TV. And then I totally deny that I am using it when someone says anything.
- I constantly tell the cat that I am not his private doorman as I open the patio door to let him in or out for the 13th time. We both know I am lying.
- “LOOK AT THOSE FEET!” now equals your ass is getting a bath when our Yorkie comes in from romping outside in the mud. He now knows what it means and runs and hides. And I do agree that it isn’t fair that my dog only gets her feet sprayed with the outside hose because she won’t fit in the kitchen sink.
- I always order the Berry Almond Chicken salad and medium tea from Wendy’s. One day I decided to go with a Baja salad instead. When I got back home, I had a Berry Almond Chicken salad. Is it sad that they know me that well?
Don’t judge me – I bet you do this, too
This entry was posted in Kids, Pets, Uncategorized and tagged Blame, dog bath, phone alarm, stopped up toilet, tic tac, unable to sleep. Bookmark the permalink.
