My daughter asked if I wanted to carpool to work.
“You’re out of gas, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Totally on fumes,” she responded.
Daughter: Exactly how long is one million seconds?
Dad: There is one easy way to find out.
Daughter: Oh, like Google it, right?
Dad: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of dividing by 60 but that would work, too.
I walked in from work, took one look at my husband’s face and asked: “Okay, what did our children do this time?” Surprisingly, it wasn’t the kids. Boca-cat had brought a live chipmunk into the house and let it go. It’s all in the timing. I missed the hunt and release by minutes.
First time son was alone overnight on a Saturday. Needless to say, as parents we had major reservations. So I posted a huge post-it note on the wall with explicit directions:
- If the cat bites your ankles, you need to feed him
- No smoking in the house
- No drinking in the house (and this doesn’t mean you just go outside)
- If you find Casey lying on his back on the kitchen rug, making little mewing noises, it means he is hungry.
- Make sure Abbey can get out the pet door.
- Do NOT eat my Cheetos!
- We will be home by 4 pm on Sunday – I will text you exact time so you can make sure house is clean by the time we get home.
- Lock the doors at night. All doors. Every one. Don’t forget.
- Please text me occasionally just to reassure me the house is still standing.