Ten Headlines I have absolutely No Interest in reading:

  1. 5 Things Super Successful People do Before 8 AM (I am still sleeping before 8 AM.  Does that mean I will NEVER be successful?  Or just not SUPER successful?)
  2. Kangaroo eats apple off man’s lap (Was it REALLY an apple – or just “Apple-Like?”)
  3. Man’s Penis amputated after he abuses erection drug (As well it should be)
  4. Too Much Deer Pee Changing Northern Forest (I have absolutely no comment.  Deer Pee stands on its own)
  5. Official witnessed unsafe procedures at endoscopy clinic (That would have to be the most horrible job ever)
  6. People Who Have Sex at Least 4 Times a Week Earn More Money  (Says the 14 people who have sex 4 times per week)
  7. Woman drives 900 miles out of her way after GPS error (True story – I actually drove into another state by accident driving across country once.  So I just read this and nodded my head, “Yep, that can happen.”)
  8. Five Ways to Prevent Colors From Fading (IF you cared. My plan was to ruin everyone’s clothing so I wouldn’t have to do anyone’s laundry but my own.  It worked beautifully)
  9. Ancient Toilet Reveals Parasites in Crusader Poop (Did someone get paid to research this?  I wonder how long Pringle’s potato chips stays around?)
  10. Jaden Smith:  If everyone “dropped out of school…society would be more intelligent.” (Isn’t Jaden Smith just a tad too young for such intelligent thinking?)

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