Happy Merry Christmas Eve Day

And Happy Birthday to my best friend, Karen.  We already had the conversation of “Damn, girl!  Doesn’t it suck to have a Birthday the day before Christmas?” And it does and it always did.  But I sent a BONA FIDE Birthday gift with all the Christmas gifts.  Yep,  even went to the Dollar Store to get the birthday wrapping paper WITHOUT the baby giraffes and bears and a matching ribbon and everything.  And as a bonus, I got four times the points on my fuel card with the gift cards.   So for everyone who has a birthday in December, Sucks for you (as my daughter would say).   I was actually born on Thanksgiving Day many years ago.  And trust me, no one wants to eat Birthday cake with turkey but we did. So you can see why I always envied those with the summer birthdays.

I did all my holiday baking last weekend.  And what a weekend I had! As an early Christmas gift I was all alone from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. My poor confused dog tried to get me to go to bed around 4 am on Saturday but noooo – I had the house to myself and was taking full advantage of it!  Thought about a food run around 2 am but decided I was too damn old to do that.  But thought about it.  Taco Bell, specifically.  And I finally removed the six pairs of shoes from under the back patio steps.  I could have left them there until Spring but decided no one else was going to do it.  One pair was my daughter’s orange flip flops. I am going to miss how colorful they looked against the white snow.

So now I am making my grocery list for Christmas dinner.  That I just found out we are having tonight because my son has to work a 13 hour shift tomorrow.  (In his defense, he offered since he said he didn’t have a family – we don’t count and I’m okay with that.  In fact I plan on sleeping in until at least 11 am Christmas day anyway).  I am going to try a new Sweet Potato Casserole recipe and I continue to struggle with gravy.  I wish my mother or someone could have taught me how to make homemade gravy when I was younger.  Now I have either the packets you mix with water or the jar.  Both suck but it’s all I have. I know you are never too old to learn but I already went through this with having to learn how to clean an oven at age 42. I don’t think I can deal with something like that again at my age.

And my annual Christmas letter has been mailed. Three pages long and just to verify that my letters are not boring, it included this paragraph:

“I am also so happy to announce that both my kids are gainfully employed.  Most probably due to the following conversation that happened a few months back:

Me: You had better step up on your job search.  If you aren’t going to commit to college, then you have to work.  That is your only option.  No discussion.

Kids:  We are TRYING to find a job.  It just isn’t that easy.

Me:  You both have cars; we provide food and housing.  As parents our part is done.  Find. A. Job.  Don’t you dare embarrass me in our annual Christmas letter by making me write that you are unemployed, living at home and sucking the air from your aging parents. Everyone already knows we like the pets better, so trust me; you do not want me to make this the main topic of the letter.”

And cat piss.  It also included a reference to cat piss.

May you have a wonderful Holiday Season.  The Merriest of Christmas’s and a non-drama, everyone acts their age and you get everything you wanted under the tree day tomorrow.  If not, just hit the after Christmas sales.  Or do what I do – have “To Lori From Lori” gifts under the tree.


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