Ten things I have learned after five Ohio Winters:

  1.  I am thankful that I do not live even more north where I would get more snow, more often with even colder temperatures.
  2. When all four wheels of my all-wheel drive car is not on the road due to icy conditions, an indicator light comes on in my dash. I used to freak out when that happens. Now I just think: “Whee!”
  3. I will pay any price for: a good electric heater, a heated throw, someone to teach me how to manage a fireplace fire (other than my husband who thinks I am some descendant of Grizzly Adams; Extra Credit – showing your age if you get that comment) AND a grant from anyone to get my husband to increase the temperature in our house to something higher than 67 degrees.
  4. I am an “official pet door opener” from 7 pm until 11 pm every weeknight and all day on weekends. Because even though we have a pet door, it is so much easier for our pets to just stand outside the back patio door and stare daggers at us or continually scratch on the door until someone gets up and lets them in. (On a positive note, Boca’s kill room has seen very little activity over these past several weeks).
  5. I still hate those cars that live in garages. And I know which ones they are every morning as I drive to work. Most annoying is when I clean off my windshield but forget about the wipers. So as I am driving on Hwy 75 and can’t see from all the dirty snow being flung onto my windshield from above mentioned cars, I turn on my wipers only to discover they will not work because they are covered in ice. But the squirty stuff does. So now I have to peer through blue frozen liquid on my windshield while driving on an icy freeway.
  6. I told my son he had to cancel his date last Sunday because we were getting freezing rain and he shouldn’t be out on the roads driving. He is 20. He ignored me.
  7. My compulsion to kick snow snot off cars is getting worse and worse. To the point where I wonder if I could possibly get arrested for going around parking lots and kicking off the snow and icicles from other people’s vehicles. Would the charge be “Unlawful Vehicle Snow Snot Removal?” Photo01271501_1
  8. Some days are so cold that I swear my coat freezes as soon as I go outside. I am not kidding. It makes this funny noise and doesn’t bend. Not that it matters. Damn thing doesn’t keep me warm enough anyway.
  9. Never underestimate the usefulness of a warm scarf. Or two. Or three. But you really should remove them once you get to work. Same with the warm winter boots. You wear them to work and bring work shoes in a bag. And then never put them on.
  10. My husband is threatening to go to the Florida Keys for a week. He says he HAS TO GO due to having a bona fide medical condition called “Seasonal Affective Disorder” where he has to have sunshine. He is so full of shit. I told him to turn on a lamp and pretend it was the sun. I would share my electric heater with him but I’m not that nice.

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