As I sit at my computer, I hear my cell phone going boop, boop, boop which means I got a text message. There’s my topic – I decided to share my texts. This is what I came up with when I perused my messages. (For the record, if you use the word “peruse” when responding to a Craigslist ad, you’ll get a date.  No, you can’t ask me why I know that…)

Between me and my husband:

Most of our text messaging means I text him and he doesn’t answer.  So then I text my daughter and say “Go ask dad…”

Him: Beer in freezer?

Me: Yes.

Him: Thanks.


Him: Walmart?

Me: Kleenex, toilet paper, toothpaste, syrup, peanut butter, dry cat food, sour cream, tomato soup (Campbell’s), milk and carrots.

Him: Too late.  Got toothpaste.


Between me and my son:

Him: I forgot to bring back your mop and charger.

Me: If you were little I would ground you. Since I can’t I am taking away your beer.


Between me and my friend, Karen:

Karen:  My ankle hurts and I have no idea how I hurt it.

Me: It’s called getting damn old and your body hates you. I have the same problem.


Me:  I just read a report on Fox News that says not to eat moldy food, including cheese.

Karen: What? Do you think I eat moldy cheese?

Me: No, you asked me yesterday about moldy cheese so I am answering today. Keep up  with the conversation, please.


Between me and my daughter, Christina:

Me: What time do you get off work?

Christina: I’m not at work. But I’ll be home around 4 pm

Me: Did you work at all today?

Christina: They’re closed, mom.

Me: Wait. Did you even come home last night?

Christina: No, I told you I wasn’t.

Me: I don’t listen to you.


Christina: If you’re feeling extra nice, you could pick up some Intuition for me at the store.

Me: Nah, I like you with hairy legs and armpits.


Christina: My bed broke.

Me: Dad can fix.

Christina: What am I supposed to do until he gets back? It’s crooked.

Me: Office?  Couch? Sleep over at your brother’s place?  There is a tent and sleeping bag in the garage. I might be able to find the blow up mattress.  Hotel? (Nevermind, you’re broke). Guess you are too big for Casey’s bed, huh?

Christina: Or I could sleep with you.

Me: Yeah, that’s not going to work for me.










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