Fireworks Finale

Had a great 4th of July.  I was excited to fire off all the fireworks that we purchased from the great state of Tennessee – a state where no amount of gun powder is really illegal if it is contained inside a firework.

So around 9:00 pm on Monday, we moved all our vehicles from the driveway (we currently  have four drivers and 7 vehicles.  Okay, one does not belong to us but I still think we have a car hoarding problem).  With much excitement, I laid out all our illegal fireworks in the garage and started to sort them by size.

We had one small box that was a “buy one – get 18 free deal” so we decided to start with those.  I pulled out the fuse and handed it to my husband to take to the end of the driveway and light. Which he did. But as he was quickly backing away from it, the box exploded and whatever was in it raced by both of us in a spurt of fire almost hitting my husband and then blasted into the garage.

A moment of silence. We looked at each other. Said “WTF!” and then raced like hell into the garage before the damn thing blew up. (What we had planned to do, I have no idea)   But we were lucky.  It didn’t blow up.  Best timing ever to have a dud. And then came the conversation about who was to blame for not reading the directions.  Like, it’s in Chinese, okay?  But since we had so many, my husband figured out that the “happy face” had to be on top.  Well, fine. So there we go.  We safely lit off 17 more.

My son and his friend came out and then my daughter and her friend (let’s call him Boyd because I never learn her male friends’ names) came carrying a firework box the size of a small refrigerator.  Which I immediately thought probably would not be a good idea in a residential neighborhood but what the hell, it is only once per year, right?


We had these round bomb things. When we lit one off it was like a cannon – BOOM!  We lit off another but then thought it was kind of a scary loud boom.  Later I looked back in the box and I think we were supposed to put it in this cardboard tube thing.  Again with the Chinese!

We had way too many bottle rockets.  After lighting off several, it got boring.  Especially after the big ass boom and the 500 small fire cracker package.  My son told me to just break off the wood end and light it.  Now, in theory this made sense except I was holding it in my hand and it still took off  – well, let’s just say the neighbors bush in their front yard was fine.   Last time I listen to my son. Like that was a smart thing to do – would have been better off trying to decipher Chinese.

So here are the big takeaways from the night:

  • Neighbors across the street also came and joined us.  Their fireworks went a little wonky as well so we weren’t the only ones.
  • Other neighbor came out about 10 pm and asked us to stop because his 4-year-old was sleeping.  We waited a minute until he was back in the house and then kept going.  We are renters, after all.
  • So then of course the cops came.  But they were cool and told us to hurry it up and finish. (So cool)
  • Our grand finale was Boyd’s big ass box.  It was really cool and lasted awhile. Because we figured if it was really bad, at least it would be our last one.
  • Christina and I had a bet on how long it would take for safety dad to clean up the mess.  We didn’t even finish the conversation and he was at the end of the driveway with the hose watering everything down.
  • We did try to clean up all the red firecracker papers. But it was a lost cause.  We’ll just let mother nature finish the job for us.
  • We really need to re-think the whole “under adult supervision” provision.







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