10 Reasons why I would never make it through a Zombie Apocalypse

In honor of the second start of the 7th season of Walking Dead, here are 10 reasons why I know I would never make it through a zombie apocalypse:

  1. I have to take a shower every single day. And wash my hair.  I rather doubt I would be able to maintain that level of hygiene if zombies attacked.
  2. Starbucks would still be open, right?
  3. I just know worrying about all those Zombies would interfere with my 9 hours of sleep per night.
  4. I am such a baby about getting a paper cut, I can only imagine how calm I would be around a lot of blood and guts. On me.
  5. I would have to attract the r-e-a-l-l-y s-l-o-w zombies so I would have plenty of time to run away.
  6. I also would need to know this going to happen well in advance so I can google “How to kill Zombies” and “Zombie killing weapons.” That way I can order through Amazon.com and then have my husband teach me.
  7. I would never be able to wear white.
  8. I would have to make sure I am with my husband. Because he would be the best zombie apocalypse leader ever. He has a green thumb AND can shoot a gun!
  9. I would be sad if there wasn’t a Darryl in my zombie life.
  10. In my imagination I would be Carol-like. Hard ass and able to wipe out an entire army of zombies with a screwdriver and still bake cookies.  And I’d have a sword and a Harley. But in reality I know I would the whiny “don’t hurt me person” who complained when all the canned Dinty Moore Beef Stew was gone.

I MIGHT be okay if barricaded in a Sam’s Club or Costco warehouse.  But it would just have to be me and my family because I definitely would not want to share.

Then again, a fully stocked liquor store might also work. Do you think others would have the same idea? I would hang out in the rum aisle and pretend I was at Key West FL.  And I could make my bedroom walls out of beer cases. Until someone drank them all.

beer-wall2

 

One response to “10 Reasons why I would never make it through a Zombie Apocalypse

  1. I can’t believe you would write about zombies after my horrible nightmare. 😭

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