A Condom and a Cell Phone

The Cell Phone:

I looked all over for my cell phone.  I KNEW I had it when I came home from work.  But that was hours ago.  Now it was 10:00 pm and I was ready to go to bed and I needed to make sure the alarms were set and it was charged next to my bed. I finally gave up and called it using my husband’s phone. Imagine my surprise when my son answered. From his apartment across town. 

“Why do you have my phone?” I asked.

“Sorry, I must have put it in my pocket and forgot about it.  Damn! I wondered what those strange beeping noises were; I thought I was going crazy,” was his response. “You can come get it.”

Which I guess would be a no-brainer if you were young. But if you were older, you didn’t give a crap about not having your phone. Sleep was way more important.

I immediately handed the phone to my husband.

“I’ll need to use your alarm,” I told him. “So, the first alarm needs to be vibrate only and starts at 5:10 amThe second alarm is vibrate PLUS a soothing beach alarm that needs to go off at exactly 5:25 am.  The final alarm is just the jungle tune and should be set at 5:35 am with no snooze option.”

My husband just looked at me.  “What time do you want to get up?” he asked. 

He set it for 5:30 am and handed it back to me. What a pain in the ass it was to reset the damn thing 13 times the next morning.

The Condom:

My daughter’s conversation with her boyfriend:

“It’s like this:  you need to go buy condoms.  Because if you don’t buy condoms then I am going to tell my mom and she will put it on her grocery list and she’ll buy them.”

He was mortified and bought condoms. And I was never more proud of my daughter.




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