The Cell Phone:
I looked all over for my cell phone. I KNEW I had it when I came home from work. But that was hours ago. Now it was 10:00 pm and I was ready to go to bed and I needed to make sure the alarms were set and it was charged next to my bed. I finally gave up and called it using my husband’s phone. Imagine my surprise when my son answered. From his apartment across town.
“Why do you have my phone?” I asked.
“Sorry, I must have put it in my pocket and forgot about it. Damn! I wondered what those strange beeping noises were; I thought I was going crazy,” was his response. “You can come get it.”
Which I guess would be a no-brainer if you were young. But if you were older, you didn’t give a crap about not having your phone. Sleep was way more important.
I immediately handed the phone to my husband.
“I’ll need to use your alarm,” I told him. “So, the first alarm needs to be vibrate only and starts at 5:10 am. The second alarm is vibrate PLUS a soothing beach alarm that needs to go off at exactly 5:25 am. The final alarm is just the jungle tune and should be set at 5:35 am with no snooze option.”
My husband just looked at me. “What time do you want to get up?” he asked.
He set it for 5:30 am and handed it back to me. What a pain in the ass it was to reset the damn thing 13 times the next morning.
My daughter’s conversation with her boyfriend:
“It’s like this: you need to go buy condoms. Because if you don’t buy condoms then I am going to tell my mom and she will put it on her grocery list and she’ll buy them.”
He was mortified and bought condoms. And I was never more proud of my daughter.