An Old New Car

Let me begin by saying that I absolutely realize I really have no reason to complain. Now let me also say: It’s my blog and I will whine if I want to, whine if I want to, whine if I want to….

A little background: I have had three auto accidents in the past 4 years. Not one of them was my fault and two of the three ended up with totaled cars that I cried over. After the last one, my husband and I could not agree on what to do for a car. I wanted a POS car knowing I would end up getting wrecked again due to the lack of driving skills of the inhabitants of my state. My husband wanted to get a second brand new car since I was commuting almost an hour each way to work. We ended up at stalemate and then Covid-19 hit. So we were both home. He has his truck AND his 2013 totally blacked out Camaro which is stored in the garage, rarely used with 55K miles on it. As much as I know he hated it, that was now my car. Which I could only drive within a 10 mile radius of the house (His rule, not mine which meant I didn’t do that).

Anyway, to get you up to speed, I am now back at work, commuting my hour each way. After one week of driving my husband’s Camaro, it was to be expected that he would go into overdrive to find me another car.

Which is how I ended up with a 2004 Cadillac DeVille. I’ll give you time to let that sink in. A. 2004. Cadillac. DeVille.

For a better perspective, I went from this:

To this:

Yes, it is official. I am now driving an old lady car. Which was purchased off Craigslist for $2750 from an 80-year-old lady who only drove it to church on Sunday and occasionally to the post office.

My husband tried, he really did. He told me it cost $48K new in 2004. He said it came with all the bells and whistles and the leather interior was pristine. “Best of all,” he said, “it’s super sturdy and big enough to win in a traffic wreck.”

Nooooooo. I said. I can’t. I won’t. But I did. Which meant I had a new fugley car and his Camaro was once again safely ensconced in the garage.

Not willing to give up too quickly, I told him I would not complain (as much) if I got the following:

  • Paint the car a dark gray color with luminescent light gray racing strips down the side outlined in a light pinkish sparkly border.
  • I wanted purple undercarriage lights and also tire lights if they came as a package.
  • Tinted windows dark enough so no one could see who was driving.
  • A personalized license plate that said: “FASTAF” (Evidently DMV hasn’t figured that one out yet.)
  • And of course along with my personalized license plate, I would be allowed to have up to four (4) speeding tickets per calendar year. (I was basing this assumption on my mini-van theory that a f**cking Cadillac DeVille would never get pulled over for speeding going 90 mph on the highway).

We compromised with the tinted windows within the state car window darkness laws.

I am still embarrassed to drive the damn thing. I recently tried to yell profanities at another driver and simply could not say the “F Word.” Like there was an 80-year-old Miss Daisy in the back seat judging me. The turn signals are so quiet that I have already driven 10 miles with the left one blinking. This is definitely impacting my self esteem.

On the bright side, if I do get into a wreck for the 4th time, I will most probably win. Even better, if this car gets totaled, I won’t cry.

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