Category Archives: Uncategorized

Happy Father’s Day!

So I am a day late. It’s the thought that counts. And Happy Father’s Day to all of the Fabulous Fathers out there!  Your influence and love is highly respected and underrated.

Kind of like this balloon:balloon

 

WTF = With the Family

My daughter came home with a new purse.  And it is a super grown up person purse.  I think I am going to miss the suede fringe purse person.

Purse

My son asked if he could borrow my car.  “Why?” I asked him.  “Because mine doesn’t have any gas,” he replied. Mine is a brand new 2016 Nissan.  This is his. I gave him gas money.

MPJ Car

Another school story: 

So my daughter is taking 6 classes this summer which is super hard. The class she is taking now is Business Communications.  She was tasked to do a group project presentation.  Here is our text messaging:

Me:  I reviewed your outline and added shit
Christina:  Thanks. You’re the best!
Me: And I only rolled my eyes a little bit
Christina: LOL.  Why did you roll your eyes?
Me: Seriously?  Your topic is “Fashion in Different Cultures.”
Christina: Well, yeah. Okay?
Me:  That’s Business?
Christina: I don’t get it.
Me: Nevermind millennial thing.
Christina: I still don’t get it.

Watch her get an A.

Boca lounger

This is a Boca Lounger. It is actually a piece of exercise equipment that we have hauled to four different states and never used.  Correct that.  Boca uses it.  It’s his personal $149.00 napping lounge chair.

My Management Final Exam

Well, it’s not really my final exam.  It is actually my daughter’s summer class in Management. Of course I would help her since I do have a boat-load of management experience.  So I offered to help her with her final. I thought I did a pretty good job…

What are major differences between the Wagner Act and the Taft-Hartley Act? One was enacted in 1935 and the other in 1947.  Duh.

Define “ethics.”  What you are supposed to do when people are looking.

What drives unethical behavior in the business world?  Donald Trump.

How do you as “Big Boss” know work is being accomplished?  First of all, I resent the inference that I am “Big.”  And secondly, I know work is being accomplished because I get a paycheck every Friday.

What are KPI’s and how are they established?   Killer Penis Implants.  You throw them against the wall and see if they stick.

Describe the “Mushroom Theory of Management.” Well, you take a special mushroom and cook it up in water and drink the resulting tea-like beverage.  And then you go to your employees and tell them how you really feel.

What is work? According to Fifth Harmony: “Cuz I gotta go to work, work, work, work, work. Let my body do the work, work, work, work.”

In the 20th century, Henry Ford established a department in his factories to gain more than brute force from workers. What was the name of this department?  The Henry Ford Department of Gaining More Brute Force from Workers.

What must we have, as managers, to deliver high quality products, low costs and high customer service?  A really smart Assistant Manager.

What two things do all managers need? Coffee in the morning and chocolate in the afternoon (May substitute potato chips as needed).

What is the difference between motivation and reinforcement?  I will motivate you by threatening to kick your ass into working and then reinforce it by actually doing it.

For what are managers paid?  To keep issues from escalating to their boss.  Or HR.

Why don’t workers want to work? Why don’t writers want to write?  Why don’t cooks want to cook? Why don’t teachers want to teach?  This question is way too profound to reply as a short answer.  Therefore, I recommend that it is removed it from the exam.  Thank you.

List three types of teams. Fencing, Debate and Team Sheldon.

Why do workers need maintenance?  Because if they don’t have maintenance, they will rust.

List four questions you would ask in an interview.

  • Do you like to color?
  • Do you have a pet gerbil?
  • How many bicycles would fit in a 3 bedroom/2 bath house WITHOUT a garage?
  • Do you think Mary Poppins would have been an effective boss? Why or why not?

Explain how a simple breakfast meal serves as a reminder of the difference between commitment and involvement?  I am committed to making sure everyone knows I want Co-Co Wheats for breakfast.  I am involved by actually making the Co-Co Wheats and then eating it.

Tom Petty vs. Katy Perry – A Comparison of Concerts

I have been to both – the older generation vs. the new generation.  I can only hope that Katy Perry will still be touring to sold-out concerts when she is Tom Petty’s age. Here is my take on comparing the two concerts:

  1. We aren’t as loud at the Tom Perry concert. Yes, we are happy and loud but not “decibel piercing tween angst screaming” happy loud.  And we definitely sing louder (and better) with Tom Perry.  Hell, all he had to do was start singing Free Fallin’ and the audience pretty much just finished it for him.
  2. We sit. We are old.  We do not stand for a three-hour concert.  We sit because we are civilized, old and tire easily.
  3. Wait for it… Wait for it.. 10 minutes in and you had the sweet wafting scent of marijuana.  No red bull hysteria and/or pills.
  4. We can afford the $15 frozen margaritas. And the $10 beer and the $6 pizza and the $50 dollar t-shirts (two of them). Because we work. And then we enjoy going to a good concert.
  5. You won’t see any bored adolescent attendees at a Katy Perry concert. But kudos to the teenager who was obviously bored to tears while his parents enjoyed the music. Flip that to give credit to the many dads who brought their tweeners to the Katy Perry concert.  (But the dads who wore the tiaras and pink boas went a bit over the top).
  6. We leave as soon as the encore is finished.  I kept telling my daughter that “American Girl” would be the encore so she had to wait to the very end.  Which it was. We also guessed the encore for Katy Perry as well with Dark Horse.  Tom gave us two; Katy gave us one.
  7. Lighters at Tom Perry; cell phone flashlights at Katy Perry.
  8. Joe Walsh was the opening act for Tom Petty. To this day I cannot remember who opened for Katy Perry.  Or what they looked like; or what they sang.  Not that I was much better with Joe Walsh. I was disappointed when I discovered he didn’t sing Cover of the Rolling Stone
  9. Katy Perry flew over the audience for her concert on a swing. Not that anyone would expect that from Tom Petty but I have to give that one to Katy. She even dropped glitter.  It was the same venue so Tom COULD HAVE dropped a glitter bomb or two if he wanted.
  10. No dancing with Tom. Lots of dancing with Katy.  And Katy had costumes. With twinkle lights! And awesome set decorations. She shared pizza with a lucky birthday girl.  And had really cool film pics and video on huge screens.  Tom had his Heartbreakers band; a drum and a piano and two backup singers who were sisters. He had screens but they were just close up of him and the band.  And no pizza.  While Tom may have the history,  Katy was definitely more entertaining.

But for what it’s worth. The best ever ever? Barry. The self proclaimed “Justin Beiber of the 70’s.”  Here is a pic from his concert (yes, my husband took the picture and yes, I was THAT close. Best. 30th. Anniversary. Gift. Ever!)  I still have the streamers.

 

 

 

 

Dog Pills

I went to the pharmacy to pick up Casey’s prescription pills.  Our 7.2 pound 16-year-old Yorkie has a plethora of health issues:  Seizures, deaf, blind, wonky back leg (too old for surgery) but he is still the most adorable pet ever.  Especially when he bounces out the pet door to go into the back yard and starts barking furiously at nothing.   He is so proud of himself when he saunters back inside the house. You would think he just saved the entire family from being run over by a pack of feral cats.  We used to yell at him to quit barking, but he doesn’t hear us anymore so we quit.

Back to the pills:  I asked for Casey’s medication.  The pharmacy tech looked it up on her computer and said: “OMG do you really live on Bow Wow Lane?”

I didn’t have the heart to play with her intelligence.  I told her someone put that in for our dog’s address years ago and we just never changed it.  But it was pretty funny.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Never Share a Cell Phone with Mom

My son goes through cell phones like they cost $3.45 each.  We quit buying him  expensive phones when he was in the 11th grade and dove into our swimming pool with the third phone that month in his pocket. Now all he gets is a go phone from Walmart or a hand me down from someone else in the family.

Currently we have a plan in place that he will get my phone, I will get my husband’s phone and my husband has a new phone ordered that should be delivered on Tuesday.

My son jumped the gun a little on this one.  I am not a huge phone fan.  I usually have it with me but it is also not unusual for me to temporarily forget where I left it, not bring it with me to work, or have a dead battery for hours because I played games on it.  Frankly, I am just not that interested in having a phone so close to my person all the time.

When my son asked to borrow my phone over the weekend, I didn’t ask for it back until I had to go to work.  And I guess he figured since the phone was “almost his” he would go ahead and add all his apps. And then he left all the apps open on my phone.

So I now have Snapchat, texts, Guitartun, Instagram and Tinder. For the record, I do not use all these social apps so I believe I am completely innocent in their mismanagement and/or response to any inquiries. After all, until Tuesday this is still officially my phone.

But OMG according to my son I have seriously ruined his social media life.  In my defense, I did not know what “swiping right or swiping left” meant regarding Tinder.  And I probably should not have answered the text about the pictures but was very relieved to know they were about animals and not soft porn (because as a mother of a almost 23 year old, I have the right to know).  I probably should not have reviewed all the new stories on snapchat and I am guilty as charged for the motherly comment on Instagram asking my son to please remove his dirty clothes from the hall bathroom.

It’s too bad he isn’t on Twitter.  Because that is one app I think I really would have used.

A Condom and a Cell Phone

The Cell Phone:

I looked all over for my cell phone.  I KNEW I had it when I came home from work.  But that was hours ago.  Now it was 10:00 pm and I was ready to go to bed and I needed to make sure the alarms were set and it was charged next to my bed. I finally gave up and called it using my husband’s phone. Imagine my surprise when my son answered. From his apartment across town. 

“Why do you have my phone?” I asked.

“Sorry, I must have put it in my pocket and forgot about it.  Damn! I wondered what those strange beeping noises were; I thought I was going crazy,” was his response. “You can come get it.”

Which I guess would be a no-brainer if you were young. But if you were older, you didn’t give a crap about not having your phone. Sleep was way more important.

I immediately handed the phone to my husband.

“I’ll need to use your alarm,” I told him. “So, the first alarm needs to be vibrate only and starts at 5:10 amThe second alarm is vibrate PLUS a soothing beach alarm that needs to go off at exactly 5:25 am.  The final alarm is just the jungle tune and should be set at 5:35 am with no snooze option.”

My husband just looked at me.  “What time do you want to get up?” he asked. 

He set it for 5:30 am and handed it back to me. What a pain in the ass it was to reset the damn thing 13 times the next morning.

The Condom:

My daughter’s conversation with her boyfriend:

“It’s like this:  you need to go buy condoms.  Because if you don’t buy condoms then I am going to tell my mom and she will put it on her grocery list and she’ll buy them.”

He was mortified and bought condoms. And I was never more proud of my daughter.