Category Archives: Uncategorized

Snowed in Fun

I asked my husband to go outside and have a snowball fight with me. He said no. I did throw a snowball at him while we were shoveling out the driveway but that was all I got. I thought about making a snow man but the only actual boots I had were expensive ones I usually wear to work.

So I did this:

My husband took one look and told me to get out. (Which was not that easy, BTW). So I had to complain to my daughter.

Sigh. Sometimes I really miss my kids.

We Left Ohio for a Reason…

I know many others have had it worst and I do appreciate that. What I don’t appreciate is getting over a foot of snow when usually we get NONE during the winter. Okay so at first it was neat and pretty but once it got down to 3 degrees, I was over it. Even our heater gave us a message about needing auxiliary power or something. I just kept my little heater with me everywhere I went. And my contribution for firewood wasn’t appreciated. I reminded my husband that I had asked and asked to use the axe but nooooo. So my fireplace responsibility came down to this:

This is how our yard looked:

We were snowed in for 5 days. Both cars died in the garage. They just said f**k you when we would not let them in the house where it was warmer. Once the snow was done, we had to clear the driveway to get out:

Which sucked in itself. First of all of course we did not have the proper snow shoveling utensils. So we made due with a flat shovel, a tile remover and a broom.

We even resorted to fire. But it didn’t work. (The premise was good, right?)

I guess we will always remember the great snow storm of 2021. Beat all records in the state. But I swear if it happens again, I am moving in with my sister, who was so considerate to have her daughter send me her Florida temperature (because I told her if she sent it I would block her) . Damn relatives.

My annual Valentine’s Day Blog

Valentine’s Day is a very special day for me and my husband. We got engaged on Valentine’s Day sometime in the 1980’s. Over the phone. I recorded the call (because I knew it was coming, of course) and I probably have the cassette tape somewhere. But I have never listened to it. I always thought we would listen to it on a special anniversary but never did. What I remember though is that after he asked me and I said yes, I asked him “when?” and he got all flustered and said he hadn’t even thought about that. The poor guy was just trying to make it through the proposal.

I married into my husband’s Golden Retriever, Star. She was the most special dog I have ever met. And she was so smart! She could give you “a look” and you would know exactly what she was saying or asking you. After we were married for a few months, Star decided to let me know who was REALLY in charge. The two of us were in the yard and Star started walking away from me down the short dirt road by the house. I saw her and said, “Star! Get back here right now!” Star stopped, turned her head around, looked at me and said, “I don’t have to listen to you, you are just another girl that is staying with us and I’ll be around long after you are gone.” I swear she did this. So I got all pissed off, ran down the road, grabbed her collar and dragged her butt back to the house while lecturing her the entire time about what Marriage means and I bet none of those “other girls” ever gave her a bath or cleaned her stupid ears. And after that episode, we had a great relationship. Even my husband commented on how much better we were getting along. It was the end of the jealous girlfriend phase. Between a wife and a dog.

So this Valentine’s Day our gift to each other is a new Golden Retriever puppy. We get to pick her up the last week of March. We are so excited. We have been pet-less for 9 months now. When you get all your pets at a young age together, you may end up with them all leaving together. Which is what happened to us. We lost Casey, Boca and Abbey all within 18 months of each other. Heartbroken but happy knowing that they all had a great life with us. We will never forgot such unique and funny pets. And they are all featured in the blog over the years for our memories.

Believe it or not, I am actually ready for Valentine’s Day this year. I found some Valentine Day cards that were 80% off so grabbed one. Not hugely sentimental or anything but cost $.78 which is HUGELY sentimental to me. And I got my husband a Yeti beer coolie thing. (Okay, so I got mine first and then felt guilty but it’s the end that really matters). But then my husband told me he was making me a special dinner for Valentine’s Day and said that was “all I would get.” I snickered and said, “Yeah, where is my card and box of Turtles?” He told me not this year.

So I am not sure if all my bitching about Valentine’s Day past has finally caught up with me and he decided to just quit. Or if he really means it. Just to be safe, I went out and bought a box of Turtles for me from him. I’ll let you know if I was lucky and got two boxes this year.

LWL Musings #4

My daughter is getting married this year. My son made the suggestion that she should have an adult bouncy castle at the wedding reception. I thought it was a good joke until I actually saw one in a YouTube video. No one had better let my son know.

Why is there an office rollie chair in my work elevator?

Sometimes I walk by our roomba vacuum tell it “Good Job!” because everyone needs positive reinforcement. (We named ours Agador because naming your roomba is required upon purchase).

I asked my husband what time it was when I woke up and he told me 10:30. I thought, Wow! I am getting up early for a Saturday. And then I realized it was 10:30 pm. (Those who know me realize this can totally happen). I literally got up, took a shower and put clean pajamas on.

I am so tired of trying to match the end of dip with the end of the chips. This has been going on for over a month now. When I am out of one, I have too much of the other so have to go buy more and it is just a vicious cycle. But it is chips and dip. I’m okay doing this at least until summer.

I just realized I might be high maintenance.

Sad to say that my husband and I have recently stooped to the level of arguing over who uses the most toilet paper for conversation during the quarantine.

And, finally:

My Foodie Post

Haven’t bitched, I mean, complained about food lately. If you have stumbled upon this post on accident, well. Sorry. I mean, I won’t ever tell my husband we will be having Grilled Quail with Mango and Arugula for dinner.

BUT I will tell him today’s special will be a slab of pre-cooked ham, macaroni and cheese from the well-known Kraft Box and canned green beans (I would have said French Style green beans from a can but I didn’t want to sound too pompous). Topped off with a large glass of pasteurized, red top milk (No one really likes the blue top):

This meal has been a household staple for years. I once substituted corn for the green beans and both kids complained about it

Then again, I am also not opposed to take out food. For instance:

I will be having a roast beef sub from Jimmy John’s; broccoli cheese soup from Quiznos; sweet tea from McDonald’s and for dessert – Cinnamon twists from Taco Bell. Yes, I went to all these drive-thru’s for this lunch. And I am not ashamed to admit I will do it again. This is really handy when I ask my husband what he wants for lunch and he asks me where I am going.

Which leads me to this conversation between me and my daughter:

Finally, I will end with this note. My work has a snack area. I walked in yesterday and found this for .25 cents:

I am a sunflower seed junkie. But ONLY David and Son’s JUMBO seeds. And these days I have to go to a special store to find them. I think this is a sign that this new job is going to work out really, really well.

Stay tuned. Next time I will be offering my favorite Campbell Soup casserole recipes!

Welcome 2021! Would you like a beer?

I am soooooooo happy 2020 is over! Definitely up there as one of the worst years ever. I know I am not alone and I certainly hope others fared much better. In fact, I did appreciate my son telling me that he passed his one year probation at work so it was a good year for him.

I texted everyone Happy New Year. Realized both my kids are in different time zones than us. I hope they appreciated the effort.

So here is a bit of Holiday Cheer:

  • Finally consolidated three boxes of Christmas stuff into one. Hope my kids won’t miss any of the stuff they made me when they were little.
  • My husband got us both a new electric Sonic toothbrush. I didn’t appreciate the note on top that said: “Do not fry, bake or boil.”
  • I don’t care what anyone says. When you see the word “Squishy,” you are going to touch it.
  • My husband got this t-shirt for Christmas. He said he was going to wear it every day and just point to it when needed. (BTW Mandalorin is a great show on Disney Plus).
  • You can tell at what point I became tired of wrapping gifts…
  • Got one of those snack gifts from my sister. The chocolate ones are the best.
  • Forgot to get my husband a knit beanie cap for Christmas:

Wishing everyone a blessed and bountiful New Year. If you could wish for me to win the lottery, it would be greatly appreciated.

And another one bites the dust…

It all started out so simply and it really was a matter of health. My daughter was very ill for two days and didn’t want to use her toothbrush in case it would make her sick again. Unfortunately I did not have a spare toothbrush. But what I could do, I told her, was sterilize her current toothbrush so it would be 100% free of germs. So she handed me her toothbrush and went to bed.

I put the toothbrush in a pan and filled it with water and turned the stove on high. I even put the timer on 8 minutes to remember to come back and check it. (You do know where this is going, right?)

Then I remembered I needed to check my email and went into the office. Once I checked my email, I decided to read Dear Abby, ZITS comics and peruse Amazon a bit. And that is when my husband came out of the bedroom and asked me what I was cooking.

Which immediately reminded me that I had TOTALLY forgotten about Christina’s toothbrush. We both went to the kitchen to find the entire area engulfed in smoke. Smelly smoke. Burnt/melted plastic smoke. And there was the poor toothbrush. Totally melted to the bottom of the pan. Even the bristles didn’t make it.

My husband was royally pissed at me (as he should, I am not denying that). He started opening up doors, windows, getting a fan. Even opened the garage door to help. The smoke alarms just wouldn’t stop going off. I finally used a paper fan to shut them up. Christina came out, found out what happened and immediately went back in her bedroom.

I will confess that I did think about getting pictures for my blog during this incident but I was in enough trouble. I can just imagine what Michael would say if I started taking pictures. But here is the final result:

Totally ruined, of course. My husband told me I just ruined a $50 saucepan. I am sure it wasn’t that expensive but I didn’t argue. And it isn’t like this is the first pan I have ruined. When it comes to kitchenware, I would have to guess that it is Lori -17 and Kitchenware – 0. I am still totally winning.

LWL Phone Notes (Nov 2020)

I am finding that I am using the note app on my phone more and more often so I don’t forget when something funny happens or I think of something to blog about. Here is the most recent review of my phone:

  • Evidently when you paint you don’t just throw everything away when finished. You are supposed it wash it and use it over again. Boushy me that.
  • My daughter got a new car and I drove it while she visited us a few months back. Her dashboard looked like a 747 cockpit. It also had an app. When I returned home, I was told I exceeded the speed limit twice, did not lock the car when I went inside the store and didn’t need to manually set the wipers; her car would automatically adjust based on the amount of rain. I am getting too old for this shit.
  • My son just bought his first “real laundry basket” at the age of 26. He is growing up so fast!
  • Did you ever have a dream about an old boyfriend and it was so cooly-weird that it made you really think about him for a few days? Then I had another dream where he pissed me off and that ended that. Luckily that would never happen with my husband. He knows he has to apologize to me when he pisses me off in my dreams.
  • Went into Wal-mart and promised my husband I would only buy the three things we needed and would be right back. He actually set the timer on his phone and I returned to the car in 38 minutes. Yeah, like we both didn’t know how that was going to turn out.

Go Dodgers!

As you know, my husband is a #1 Dodger fan since forever. I have so many memories about the Dodgers and now I get to add to them: THE DODGERS WON THE 2020 WORLD SERIES!

While my husband was watching the game, I was in the back bedroom watching “Teen Mom 2.” I knew they were doing well by the occasional clapping and “YESSSSS!” sounds coming from the living room. So after it was over and I had a VERY happy husband, I decided to show my support by watching the post game show with him. Of course, this was after the “Dodger Shots” we both took to celebrate using the special “Dodger won the World Series Shot Glass:”

I know my husband disagreed, but I swear the tequila was spoiled. It just didn’t taste right to me. But did it matter? THE DODGERS WON THE WORLD SERIES!

(Special shout out to my sister, Dawn. Who lives in Florida. In Tampa.)

I am especially happy for Clayton Kershaw – for the record, I truly did not know the answer when I asked my husband if you had to be dead in order to be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. (GO CLAYTON!)

I told my husband I really should have been more supportive and at least watched the last inning with him instead of asking what the score was every time I walked by on my way to the kitchen to get something to eat. He replied, “Why? You weren’t there in 1988 when they last won.”

“Wow! Did we even know each other back then?”

“We were married.”

Me:

At least I get to post this picture of Objet d’art that I recently found while cleaning out the closet:

I was going to throw it away but my husband noticed and was offended. (I had completely forgotten the “You Shall Never Throw Anything Dodger Away” rule). I asked him how old he was when he made it. He thought for a minute and then replied:

“I don’t know, 36? 37?”

Next time, Dodgers, let’s not wait so long. Because he will probably want to make another one of these when he is in his 50’s.

An Old New Car

Let me begin by saying that I absolutely realize I really have no reason to complain. Now let me also say: It’s my blog and I will whine if I want to, whine if I want to, whine if I want to….

A little background: I have had three auto accidents in the past 4 years. Not one of them was my fault and two of the three ended up with totaled cars that I cried over. After the last one, my husband and I could not agree on what to do for a car. I wanted a POS car knowing I would end up getting wrecked again due to the lack of driving skills of the inhabitants of my state. My husband wanted to get a second brand new car since I was commuting almost an hour each way to work. We ended up at stalemate and then Covid-19 hit. So we were both home. He has his truck AND his 2013 totally blacked out Camaro which is stored in the garage, rarely used with 55K miles on it. As much as I know he hated it, that was now my car. Which I could only drive within a 10 mile radius of the house (His rule, not mine which meant I didn’t do that).

Anyway, to get you up to speed, I am now back at work, commuting my hour each way. After one week of driving my husband’s Camaro, it was to be expected that he would go into overdrive to find me another car.

Which is how I ended up with a 2004 Cadillac DeVille. I’ll give you time to let that sink in. A. 2004. Cadillac. DeVille.

For a better perspective, I went from this:

To this:

Yes, it is official. I am now driving an old lady car. Which was purchased off Craigslist for $2750 from an 80-year-old lady who only drove it to church on Sunday and occasionally to the post office.

My husband tried, he really did. He told me it cost $48K new in 2004. He said it came with all the bells and whistles and the leather interior was pristine. “Best of all,” he said, “it’s super sturdy and big enough to win in a traffic wreck.”

Nooooooo. I said. I can’t. I won’t. But I did. Which meant I had a new fugley car and his Camaro was once again safely ensconced in the garage.

Not willing to give up too quickly, I told him I would not complain (as much) if I got the following:

  • Paint the car a dark gray color with luminescent light gray racing strips down the side outlined in a light pinkish sparkly border.
  • I wanted purple undercarriage lights and also tire lights if they came as a package.
  • Tinted windows dark enough so no one could see who was driving.
  • A personalized license plate that said: “FASTAF” (Evidently DMV hasn’t figured that one out yet.)
  • And of course along with my personalized license plate, I would be allowed to have up to four (4) speeding tickets per calendar year. (I was basing this assumption on my mini-van theory that a f**cking Cadillac DeVille would never get pulled over for speeding going 90 mph on the highway).

We compromised with the tinted windows within the state car window darkness laws.

I am still embarrassed to drive the damn thing. I recently tried to yell profanities at another driver and simply could not say the “F Word.” Like there was an 80-year-old Miss Daisy in the back seat judging me. The turn signals are so quiet that I have already driven 10 miles with the left one blinking. This is definitely impacting my self esteem.

On the bright side, if I do get into a wreck for the 4th time, I will most probably win. Even better, if this car gets totaled, I won’t cry.