Category Archives: Uncategorized

LWL Week in Pictures

I have a hanging ball marker in the garage so I know to stop when the ball hits the windshield. I think this would be a “car ball fail.”

I never knew my husband was so set on a certain type of car shade. In the end I agreed to use his stupid square one to end the discussion knowing full well I was going to continue to use my circle one.

I wonder if this little cricket was on top of my car the entire time I was driving to work?

I swear all I did was open the dishwasher and pull the rack out. The entire rack came out and fell onto the floor. I left it like this for my husband to find. And then realized that he hasn’t used the dishwater since 2002 so finally had to show him. But I did wait until he was in a good mood.

Old Girl Scout trick: Buy copper tubing about a thumbsize in width. Cut into foot long pieces. Take pieces of old water hose and cut same length. Put the water hose inside the copper pipe and put into fire. You get tons of pretty fire colors and can re-use the copper pipe over and over again.

This is Ollie, my daughter’s new puppy. I facetime with her so I can see Ollie. I only have a million pictures of him so will share more later. I just hope I have this much interest in my first grandchild (whenever the time comes). I would hate to see the baby and then go, “OK, can I see Ollie now?”

This is Spaulding. My husband and I made him while we were painting. It’s a coconut hull that had a face on it. Now he is a new addition to our deck.

We cleaned out a couple of closets and ended up with this. The scary part was that with the exception of one, my husband knew what every one went to.

Coronavirus Conversations (Part 2)

I REALLY have to finish Part 2 of this blog because I keep adding new conversations to my phone notes. I never realized how much we had to talk about.

  • I bought an almost dead plant on clearance for 50 cents at Home Depot. I thought it was a good idea at the time. My husband said if I bought it I had to take care of it. He made me replant it into a new container. After that I lost interest and presented him with a forfeit of parental rights letter so he now is responsible for it. I need to remind myself that I kill plants. Good thing I am no longer its parent.
  • My husband bought a propane fire weed killer. FIRE! WEEDS! I was more excited than he was! Then he said I could not use it. I wish he would stop bringing up the ax incident.
  • This is how bored we got:
My husband sent away for a home blood type test

  • Who gets to mow the lawn on the riding lawn mower and who has to weed whack. I hate weed whacking. The last time I did it my husband told me “I have shown you four times how to use it. if you can’t do it correctly you won’t be allowed to use it.” Which was definitely the WRONG thing to say.
  • I’ll watch Lawrence of Arabia if he’ll watch all the Twilight movies.
  • Paper plates. My husband said since it’s just the two of us we no longer need to use paper plates and should just use the normal plates and put them in the dishwasher. I wasn’t on board with this but he was right and after a few weeks I’m okay with this.
  • We bought a new egg cutter/slicer. But then we each would store it in difference places. I said it belonged in the plastics drawer. He said it should be in the kitchen utensils drawer. Since I do the dishes, I win.
  • Do you really have to brush your teeth and maintain good personal hygiene if you wear a mask and have 6 feet of clearance between people?
  • My husband told me not to buy junk food. But then I go shopping hungry. I have now resorted to hiding my candy. Except he knows me and will periodically ask me where I am hiding it when he gets a sweet tooth.
  • Wheat bread vs. white bread (we buy both and throw away half of each)
  • Lettuce vs. other greens. I know he likes baby spinach and arugula. I am a simple iceberg person. So we always have a shit ton of salad base the fridge. And then eat ice cream.

Alas, our time together is now coming to an end as I have to go back to work. But it is nice to know that we can be together every day for 6 months and still talk.

Coronavirus Conversations (Part 1)

As my husband and I continue to muddle through this difficult time, I have found that our conversations have changed a bit.  We used to talk about work more, news stories and just general life stuff.  Now that we are home together all the time, here are some examples of our conversations.  (There are so many examples, I had to make it two parts).

  • The correct way to boil eggs.  He is wrong so this really was not a discussion.
  • I want to feed the fish, but don’t want any of the responsibilities of keeping its tank clean.
  • Whether we have already seen the newest Dateline.  As an aside, I now know why it’s important that we both keep up to date on the shows we are both watching. It’s like he is having an affair with the DVR when he watches one ahead of me.
  • Ceiling fan speed.  It’s always up too high for me. Not that I ever win this one but I will still complain. And turn it off as soon as he goes to bed.
  • How late is too late to eat ice cream. (like, never?)
  • If a grilled cheese will cure diarrhea.
  •  We got into a discussion because he said my apple juice looks like pee.  I told him his beer looked like carbonated pee.

2020 mood | Forwards From Grandma | Know Your Meme

  • I should not get so excited to use the seal a meal when we buy in bulk.  It’s just that I really like the part when it sucks out air.  Probably one of the few tasks I am happy to do.
  • I try not to spoil his parade when he makes a list of items for a new recipe.  #1, I know it is going to be healthy- which means it will most probably have broccoli in it and #2 I would rather eat ice cream.
  • I argued that if I am going to be stuck at Firestone for over an hour for car maintenance, I should be able to bring my little electric heater and use it while I wait. It is always freezing there.  I told him if it embarrasses him so much he can pretend he does not know me.
  • I know he is correct that I need to get out of bed before noon.  It’s just that I don’t want to.

Tech Support

My daughter is now at a job where she is in charge of everything.  Basically her dream job managing an entire business.  My husband gets to be her 24-hour, online tech support.  I hear him on the phone with her periodically walking her through IT questions.  She sent this email to him last week:

Christina:             Does it look like it has 2 hard drives ?
Let me know if you need more pictures.

Here is my husband’s response:

Yes, it looks as if there are two hard drives. One may be the operating system and the other the data or used as a backup. In the third pic that shows the SATA interface, you can see the other hard drive below it. The other hard drive should have the same interface. Here is a link that I believe will fit:  Amazon link here

The pic below is the adapter on top of the hard drive you sent. You may want to look at the other hard drive interface to make sure it’s the same and then take the one that is out to Best Buy to make sure you get the right connector cable.

image

I need to remind my daughter that I am still available to review grammar on any letters she needs to write.

 

 

 

 

 

A Lecture on Pop Tarts

Like everyone else, my husband and I are stuck at home during these difficult days.  The good news is that we are really getting along quite well despite all the togetherness.  We are sharing the computer (I sleep in until noon so my husband gets the mornings) and trying to get some home projects completed.  But we have had our share of issues:

  • Going out ANYWHERE is a Big. Deal.  Even if I do not get out of the car, I want to come.  So imagine my disappointment when my husband went to Kum and Go (our local 7-11 {not kidding}) for lottery tickets.  I whined for two hours.

Kum and Go logo

  • The bath mat argument:  When I get out of the shower, I always dry my feet before stepping out.  My husband does not.  So we spent 30 minutes discussing the pros and cons of a wet bath mat vs. a dry one after I had to step on his wet bath mat.  By the way, we have three bathrooms.
  • Gaining weight.  Damn quarantine.  Which leads me to:
  • Going to the store.  We usually do online shopping and then pick up.  But sometimes we go to the store.  When this happens, I am like a kid on Christmas day.  We get to shop!  We get to see things!  We get to go outside!  And I will admit I go a little crazy.  I know I really should not have gotten the pop tarts.  But I was hungry and they were staring at me in the cereal aisle.  Yes, I got the Pop Tart Lecture. But it was so worth it.
  • About toilet paper.  All I can say is when it was hard to find toilet paper, my husband actually showed me how many little squares I should use.  Yeah, not going to happen and my bathroom habits are confidential.
  • My husband’s hair is getting pretty long as he won’t go to get it cut.  I am really liking the little curls that are at the end. I could actually put it in a ponytail with my scrunchie the other day.  Of course, he hates it. And I was told I could not take a picture.  My other idea was to watch YouTube videos on how to cut hair and I could cut his hair and he could cut mine.  That didn’t happen, either.
  • Forget regular clocks.  I need one to tell which day of the week it is.  And yes, you can buy them.  This one is $45.99:dAY CLOCK
  • We got to celebrate Father’s Day by ourselves. Our kids asked me what their dad wanted for his special day.  I told them both he wanted Turtle candy.  Because I wanted Turtle candy.
  • With the quarantine there will either be a lot of babies or a lot of divorces.    We are too old for babies.  Not getting divorced.  So there must be a third option. Like keeping a posted schedule of when you want to be alone and where you will do it in the house. Or the deck.  At least we have a nice deck that overlooks our weed infested back yard.
  • Since all we do is ride in the car and maybe go through drive through, we get to listen to music on the radio.  My husband made a new rule. You are not allowed to sing the song if you do not know the words.  I do know the words.  They are “Dirty Deeds and the Thunder Cheeks “
  • I have never been so pissed off when I run out of underwear and comfy house-only clothes.  Not working means I should not have to do laundry – Ever.

LWL Week in Pictures

Garage Knife

I had to get my collapsible yard work bag down from a high shelf in the garage.  Another lecture on yard work safety. (My response that that one should not leave a big ass knife in the garage).  I am getting pretty damn good at picking up sticks.  Can make the task last over three (3) hours to avoid:

Weeds

I think we missed the seasonal period to remove the weeds from our flower beds.  Or I am officially the worst weed picker ever.  Honestly, both probably apply.

Dads Shoe

New method to fix a broken shoe.  Take Gorilla glue, a coconut shell and old chair and do this. Or throw the 22 year old shoe away.  But I didn’t say that.

MPJ Beer Can

Came across this the other day.  My son has been gone for almost a year and it made me smile to realize he can no longer throw empty beer cans in my flower garden. Until he comes to visit in July.

Dude wipes

Where are the Dudette wipes?

Mailboxes

Stayed at a cabin in the Smokey Mountains and came across this on the way up the holler.  The Amazon package was there the entire week.

Personal Watermelon

Cuz, damn.  Sometimes you just don’t want to share.

Stay at Home = Yardwork

Like others, I am stuck at home with my husband.  I have heard that in 9 months time there will either be a baby or a divorce. I think our situation is a bit different.  The future of our home time together will most probably result in a damn good yard.

Here is a picture of our yard last summer:

Kincaid backyard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And here is a current picture of our yard:

Yard

My husband bought this attachment for the lawn mower.  He calls it an aerator.  I call it a turd maker.  You tell me who is correct:

Yard 2

Then he said it needed more weight on the back to make bigger turds.  Turns out our decorative iron animals was not what he had in mind:
Yard 1

And don’t even let me get into yard safety.  I swear I put them there for just one minute while I ran into the house.

Yard Safety Might as well assume this is going to be an ongoing battle.  I watch the news only to hope that it is going to rain.  We cleaned out the shed on Monday.  With more weeding planned for later in the week.  The only thing I really want to do is take the ax and make firewood from our logs. Except my husband hid the ax.  Some safety issue he says. My son mentioned using the sledge  hammer and the iron wedge.  He so gets me.

Lines for Oddly Shaped Oriental Cookies

By Pseudonym – Victor Vega

So, I came across this original writing in my travels.  I absolutely loved it. I have more writings of Victor Vega but I think I will wait and see if he sends me an attorney letter to cease and desist before posting any thing else.

Your lack of love life stems from your inability to separate love and co-dependence.

You will soon embark on a business venture but ultimately end up with a dead hooker.

Stop wishing, start doing. (Excludes pedophiles, rapists, and murderers)

Life has a very dependable source of lemons.

You will be successful in love, as long as you lower your standards…like a lot.

Happiness comes from a fulfilling life, Xanax, and dissimulating your underlying faults.

That entire bottle of Jack Daniels isn’t going to drink itself.

Everyone thinks your poetry is shit.

Who put Tarantino in charge of the police state?

You think you’re Hemingway but you’re more Fitzgerald.

Bukowski was right.

A few drinks with Bill Cosby and who knows, maybe something will happen.

A chance encounter opens up new doors to social anxiety and lying about your current state of affairs.

You have a deep appreciation for the calves of women between the ages of 40 and 50 years old.

It’s election time, and we’re all fucked.

And finally:

Stop taking life advice from stale cookies.

 

 

Mom Alarm Clock

Even though my son has moved to a city five states away from me, I can still get him moving in the morning.  Besides, he shouldn’t ask for my assistance in getting him up the night before if he really didn’t mean it:

text 1

text 2

 

Follow the Rules if you are Going to Use the Office

I have been using our home office a lot lately.  I have various projects I am working on and always enjoy pursuing the Internet for interesting and entertaining news, advice columns, comics and Craigslist ads which I admit is my guilty entertainment.  California ads are the weirdest.

But I guess my husband is not very happy that I am in his our office so much.  Over the past several weeks, I have had the following rules explained to me:

  • No eating in the office.
  • No empty cups or glasses allowed.  You are allowed to drink but must remove them once empty.
  • Especially no disposing of food items in the office wastebasket.  Only paper is allowed.
  • He would prefer I do not use the heater because the room should be kept cool.  But he knows he would be unreasonable so he struggles with this one.  Except for the time when I didn’t put the heater away and he tripped on it.  THAT was a super long lecture.
  • No paper towels or napkins can be left on top of the desk.
  • No lilac scented candles.  (I reminded him he got it for me for Christmas but he still said no).
  • I have a drawer in the desk.  Any papers that I have need to be placed in the drawer prior to leaving.
  • I have to shut down the computer when I leave.  Even if for an hour.  And don’t forget to turn off the monitor as well.
  • OMG!  DO NOT place ANY sticky notes on the PC!  EVER!  Evidently this is grounds for losing computer privileges.

Being the understanding wife who listens so well, I respond accordingly:

desk

I do eat in the office.  But only when my husband is not at home.  And while I do throw food away in the office trash can, I do cover it up with paper so it isn’t noticeable. I have no idea why this is an issue.  My husband rarely if ever empties the trash can.  That’s my job. candle

 

 

 

Whenever he walks into the office and accuses me of having my scented candle in there, I tell him I don’t smell anything and offer to spray the horrible air freshener that I know he hates.

Office heater I will agree that the heater precariously perched on top of the waste basket (that contains food) is not ideal. But I got tired of moving my favorite heater from the living room to the office every day.  I did apologize that he tripped over it and have been more careful about putting it away. Bu I refuse to unplug it every time which is still an issue.

PC NotesThe sticky notes on the PC really isn’t a deal breaker for me.  Sometimes I leave one that says “I love you” just because I know it would be hard to bitch about a sticky love note but am pacing myself.  It’s really hard not to write one that says: ” Take $1,768 from bank to pay court bill.”

So I think we have come to a truce.  I open my little desk drawer, swipe everything off the desk into it and shut the drawer.  When he starts complaining about the smell I am sure I will get a new lecture.