Tag Archives: Cat

Explaining the Concept of a Rental to a Cat:

Since moving from the country, Boca cat has become much more complacent and, well, kinda fat.  In the morning when I am getting ready for work and he wants a drink from the sink, I tell him if he can’t jump up onto the bathroom counter, well then he can’t get a drink from the running faucet.  And then like most parents, weeks later I discovered that when my husband gets up after me, he picks him up and sets him on the counter for a drink every morning. Not very good pet parenting on our part, as usual.  Kind of like when we feed Abbey twice because she is such a good liar that “OMG no one fed me this morning!” (It doesn’t work at night because we can check).

But back to the cat.  As usual, what got Boca in trouble was the dead bunny.

Now, I will admit that this was an accomplishment for a bit overweight Boca. Because there are simply no bunnies running around our neighborhood.  Which means he had to travel across the street to the field, catch the bunny, carry it two blocks back to the house, under the backyard fence, through the pet door and into the spare bedroom.

And then ate the head.

I got a text message around 11 am from my husband: “You have to  clean up the dead animal in the bedroom when you get home.”

Of which my quick response was to text Christina and say: “You need to throw out the dead carcass that Boca brought inside last night.”

Christina willingly offered to throw it away but “only because there wasn’t bloody guts everywhere.”

To which I then texted my husband: “If I clean up the dead body, will you get the blood out of  the carpet?”

“Deal,” he replied.

No one should be this smart.

However, I still had to explain to Boca that since we now live in a rental house, he was no longer allowed to kill various vermin and bring them inside.  I am not sure he quite understood the lecture, especially since he was yawning at me the whole time, but I do know one thing:  If we end up losing our rental deposit because of dead animal clean up, it is coming out of his Friskies cat food.


Exhaustion after bunny hunting all night



Home Improvement – DONE!

So, does anyone want to buy a house? Because now that the renovations are FINALLY finished, ours is up for sale.  I mean, it’s not like we installed new carpet and painted the interior for our own future living enjoyment.  Everyone knows you do all this hard work and then when it’s done you wonder why the hell you didn’t do it earlier when you could enjoy it yourself.  Because you don’t. What you do is put your house up for sale.

We had a POD delivered and filled it with most of our stuff so we could stage our house in the most impersonal way possible.   Except once the POD was taken away, I realized I had packed away stuff I still needed.  No problem – just went out and bought new.  Everyone needs two circular saws, right?

Note the "Podzilla" name - Awesome!

Note the “Podzilla” name – Awesome!

I had to explain to Boca-cat that the litter box had to go.  You can’t sell a house with a litter box in it.  It’s a rule.  And the dogs had to vacate the premises when the house was being shown.  Which was super cool to them because they got to go to the park and poop in a new grassy lawn (thank heavens for park supplied pet poop bags).

Every time I mowed the lawn I would pray it would be the last time.  Because I am so over mowing almost two acres of land.  (Although I am still totally loving my weed whacker and have newly discovered how awesome it is to use a pressure washer)

And Craig’s List became my new friend.  Because I had to sell this:

 And this:

 And this:

 And this: And also this:

 As you can see,  we had some projects in mind and while some of the materials were used, we had leftovers. Went pretty cheap.  I wasn’t in the mood to bargain.  Unfortunately the one thing I REALLY WANTED TO SELL WAS THIS:

 Alas but not to be.  Lawn still needs to be mowed.

Then there was the “green pool incident” where I came home after a few days out of town to discover that our swimming pool water had a definite greenish tint to it.  Larry, the go to guy at the pool store immediately knew what it was (But I do think he was a bit taken aback when I gave him my water sample stored  inside a Christmas Tupperware bowl.  I mean EVERYTHING went into the POD).  Larry started explaining to me about fertilizer and algae and how I needed to put in 8 ounces of this and turn off the pool pump and then back flush the something. At which point I totally lost interest.

“Look, Larry” I had to explain, “all I do is skim the pool. So anything more than that just isn’t going to happen.”

So I got a different bottle of algae stuff, written directions on how much to put in when and agreed to clean the pool with a brush everyday for a week.

I am beginning to hate the pool as much as the lawnmower.

My husband is still working out of state so I am doing this all on my own.  In hindsight I probably should not have mentioned to my husband that I had our day laborers check the oil in my car and give Abbey a bath.  Because they were so great and helpful and I was paying them $15 an hour. Each.

But now it is all over.  For Sale sign on the front lawn.  I. Am. Done.

Explanation for the Dead Rabbit

I had both the downstairs flooring guys and the house painters at the house today.  My painter guy told me that the downstairs flooring guy asked how well he knew us.  When he asked why, the flooring guy said “Because there is a dead rabbit in the downstairs bathroom.”

Damn cat.

I went downstairs and sure enough, there was a good sized dead bunny in the bathroom. As I cleaned up the mess,  I apologized to the flooring guy and explained that our cat liked to bring in creatures and that was why there was a dead animal in the bathroom.

But I didn’t feel this was quite enough to vindicate our family.  So I hunted down Boca-cat who was soundly sleeping in a box in the office and shoved him down the basement stairs closing the door behind him so he would be forced to go through the pet door (and past the flooring guy).

“I saw your cat.” He said to me later.  “He is really big.”

“Yeah – well thanks for asking about the dead rabbit in the bathroom.  I would hate for you to leave thinking WTF about that.”

Home Improvement Part 2 (Pets)

Was it the cat or the dog?  Casey - The cement was on his feet.

Was it the cat or the dog? Casey – The cement was on his feet.

In all fairness to Abbey, my son's tennis shoe imprint was there, too.

In all fairness to Abbey, my son’s tennis shoe imprint was there, too.

If it is a box, it is considered a Boca Bed

If it is a box, it is considered a Boca Bed

And when all the banging and strange people become too much, Casey hides under the bed.

And when all the banging and strange people become too much, Casey hides under the bed.

Because it’s all about the pets, ’bout the pets, here’s pictures:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASomeone needs to tell Boca that his ass is too big for the box. But it isn’t going to be me.  He is being a huge scary brat because he can’t go outside and hunt due to all the snow and cold weather.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERACasey hates the vacuum.  And I moved the big dog bed.  He doesn’t care.  I think he feels safe.  Until I pull on the vacuum cord.

AbbeyThis is Abbey saying “I don’t care what time it is, it’s a Saturday and I want to sleep in!”  (Actually, that is me talking – Abbey is just channeling the same sentiment because she is my dog.  Okay let me clarify that – as long as she has been fed that is).

Baby Dog Bed

Now, I really think Dora dog is wondering why she got the crappy bed that is too small for her and the baby gets the nice big one…

The Vacation I Missed

My entire family went on a week’s vacation to Los Angeles to attend my nephew’s wedding and I was stuck at home with the pets.  Which was great for the pets because they avoided being in a kennel for a week (We would always tell them it was for only TWO doggie days so we would feel less guilty).

SO here is what I learned from being alone for a whole week:

  1. I missed my family.  Like- right away. Weird because I absolutely didn’t expect to.
  2. If you want to go out after midnight to find some food and live in small town Ohio, realize you are going to end up at the 24 hour Wal-mart in the frozen food section buying ice cream.
  3. The dogs are going to stick to your ass the entire week because they are so freaked out that everyone is gone.
  4. I slept in until 4 pm on Saturday because it was too damn quiet.
  5. You will have to call tech support when the damn touch screen TV remote control device doesn’t work.
  6. You will get evil thoughts on what you want to do to your husband’s PC when he doesn’t call or text you in three days. ESPECIALLY when you specifically text him for instructions on how much chlorine to add to the pool.
  7. You have to make a deal with your son that you will pay his rent for the month of August if he won’t be an ass and piss off his dad for the entire week (which I will now gladly pay; according to my daughter she only had to remind him twice).
  8. I didn’t know that I would be responsible to remove the dead mouse and dead frog from the swimming pool.
  9. I could get up at 3 am and vacuum.  I didn’t but I could have.


10. I wondered what these marks were on the road in front of our house:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAnd then I came home from work and discovered this in our front yard:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABoy is my husband going to be pissed.  Okay, so I was more that a little pleased; serves him right for going on vacation without me.

My Cat needs an Intervention

Yes, that is a picture of Boca on an animal behavior pamphlet I got from the vet.  Boca needs some serious help.  Now, I know that cats are natural predators but Boca has taken this to an extreme level.  And frankly, I am getting tired of all the blood.


His latest escapade involves a family of baby bunnies.


Yes, those teeny tiny cute little furry harmless creatures that come out in the spring to begin their new life.  Except they picked the wrong backyard because our cat sees them as his own personal toys.  That he eats.

For some reason, Boca does all his killing in the downstairs bathroom.  So we have to check it periodically to make sure nothing bad has happened.  That’s when I came across the baby bunnies.  I will refrain from describing the scene and we did save one bunny that we dropped off far far away from our house.

Usually it is my son who has the job of cleaning up the mess as we admonish Boca:


I mean, it isn’t like he doesn’t ALWAYS have Meow Mix to eat and I spend a  fortune on those stupid little cans of cat food with names like Tuna Delite, Savory Salmon and Ocean Fish Pate.  (We know he likes the seafood flavors the best).

So now everyone in the house is pissed off at the cat – again.

And don’t even get me started on the whole “Well, if you didn’t have a pet door, this wouldn’t happen.”  Yes.  You are correct. Boca has carte blanche to roam in and out as he pleases.  Because we tried making him an inside cat once when we moved.  His initial response was to make as much noise as possible during the night while we were trying to sleep.  Then he started to terrorize poor little Casey.  The final straw was when he literally stared us down as he sat in the middle of our king size bed and peed.  His ass was thrown out the back door after that.

So maybe now I am thinking we should take him to some behavioral animal therapist.  But I am realistic in knowing how this is all going to ultimately end.  Michael will get pretty much as much money as he wants to clean up the cat mess (price is adjusted based on how gross it is) and Boca will go see a vet-doctor just so he can stare at them, jump on the counter and then pee in their sink.  At least that is what happened last time.

Just so you know he isn’t a total monster, here is a great selfie of Boca and Christina:

Boca Kiss

It was taken right before Boca bit her on the cheek.

Sigh.  Damn Cat.

Cat Peep

Boca cat assumes the peep postion.   Just in time for Easter!

Boca cat assumes the peep postion. Just in time for Easter!

One More Cold Winter Whine

It is currently 7 degrees out.  This morning is was -2 degrees out. Tonight it is supposed to -15 degrees.    Now, don’t get me wrong, the sun is shining and it is beautiful to see all the shimmery dazzling white snow.  I just want to see it from behind a window while sitting in front of an electric heater that is on its highest heat setting.

But enough is enough.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI can’t take this much longer.  I have learned that once the weather is in single-digits or less, my car heater just can’t keep up with the level of heat that is expected.  My car is so filthy dirty, I feel embarrassed to park it at work.  (It reminds me of when my daughter was little and got head lice.  To this day, she will say that she got head lice twice when she was little.  I’ll agree with that, but it was two times that lasted about two years in duration trying to eradicate those damn things).  Not to mention that just thinking about taking my car into the automated car wash gives me anxiety.  Do you think my doctor would prescribe Xanax for car wash anxiety?

And then there is Boca.  Bored Boca. Even with the cold and snow, Boca will still try to go outside.  From 6 pm to 11 pm he is in and out the back door at least 20 times. The problem is that he has to come right back inside after two minutes. So he wanders around the house looking for someone to torment for his personal entertainment.  Which usually means Casey is a great target.  So on and off all night you hear Casey start to bark and growl and then someone yelling at Boca to leave him alone.  Even Abbey, as big as she is, keeps a wary eye on the cat as he saunters past her.


We did buy Boca some new cat toys which amused him for about 45 seconds.  I get that, I mean how can some plastic balls with bells inside compete against live vermin living outside that you can hunt and kill?  And everyone has learned that you shut your bedroom door at night because if you don’t, you will wake up at 2:00 am with a cat sitting on your chest staring intently into your eyes.

Who am I kidding?  Even though I may SAY this is my last whiny blog about the cold weather, it won’t be. Especially if the Farmer’s Almanac is correct and we do get a blizzard in February.  Just don’t say you weren’t warned in advance.

Happy Merry Christmas Eve Day

And Happy Birthday to my best friend, Karen.  We already had the conversation of “Damn, girl!  Doesn’t it suck to have a Birthday the day before Christmas?” And it does and it always did.  But I sent a BONA FIDE Birthday gift with all the Christmas gifts.  Yep,  even went to the Dollar Store to get the birthday wrapping paper WITHOUT the baby giraffes and bears and a matching ribbon and everything.  And as a bonus, I got four times the points on my fuel card with the gift cards.   So for everyone who has a birthday in December, Sucks for you (as my daughter would say).   I was actually born on Thanksgiving Day many years ago.  And trust me, no one wants to eat Birthday cake with turkey but we did. So you can see why I always envied those with the summer birthdays.

I did all my holiday baking last weekend.  And what a weekend I had! As an early Christmas gift I was all alone from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. My poor confused dog tried to get me to go to bed around 4 am on Saturday but noooo – I had the house to myself and was taking full advantage of it!  Thought about a food run around 2 am but decided I was too damn old to do that.  But thought about it.  Taco Bell, specifically.  And I finally removed the six pairs of shoes from under the back patio steps.  I could have left them there until Spring but decided no one else was going to do it.  One pair was my daughter’s orange flip flops. I am going to miss how colorful they looked against the white snow.

So now I am making my grocery list for Christmas dinner.  That I just found out we are having tonight because my son has to work a 13 hour shift tomorrow.  (In his defense, he offered since he said he didn’t have a family – we don’t count and I’m okay with that.  In fact I plan on sleeping in until at least 11 am Christmas day anyway).  I am going to try a new Sweet Potato Casserole recipe and I continue to struggle with gravy.  I wish my mother or someone could have taught me how to make homemade gravy when I was younger.  Now I have either the packets you mix with water or the jar.  Both suck but it’s all I have. I know you are never too old to learn but I already went through this with having to learn how to clean an oven at age 42. I don’t think I can deal with something like that again at my age.

And my annual Christmas letter has been mailed. Three pages long and just to verify that my letters are not boring, it included this paragraph:

“I am also so happy to announce that both my kids are gainfully employed.  Most probably due to the following conversation that happened a few months back:

Me: You had better step up on your job search.  If you aren’t going to commit to college, then you have to work.  That is your only option.  No discussion.

Kids:  We are TRYING to find a job.  It just isn’t that easy.

Me:  You both have cars; we provide food and housing.  As parents our part is done.  Find. A. Job.  Don’t you dare embarrass me in our annual Christmas letter by making me write that you are unemployed, living at home and sucking the air from your aging parents. Everyone already knows we like the pets better, so trust me; you do not want me to make this the main topic of the letter.”

And cat piss.  It also included a reference to cat piss.

May you have a wonderful Holiday Season.  The Merriest of Christmas’s and a non-drama, everyone acts their age and you get everything you wanted under the tree day tomorrow.  If not, just hit the after Christmas sales.  Or do what I do – have “To Lori From Lori” gifts under the tree.