Tag Archives: chore

I am such a crappy wife

So it is here again. Valentine’s Day. As you know from previous posts, this is the holiday I dread the most. I am not romantic or sentimental and have justified my behavior over the years by telling myself that I show my love to my husband on a daily basis so that should be all that is needed.  But don’t ask for details because I would be hard pressed to give you any.

This week I spent hours making homemade Valentine heart cookies for my staff and putting special Hershey chocolates in little gift bags as well.  But buy a Valentine’s Day card for my spouse?  Well, I’d rather clean the cat litter box. (Which is also getting to be a major ordeal as it is way too cold and too much snow outside for Boca to do his business.  I keep telling him the litter box is for decoration only but he isn’t listening).

But the real reason I know I am a crappy wife is because I had this conversation with my daughter last night:

“When you go out to lunch with dad tomorrow, can you find out if he got me a Valentine’s Day card?  And then text me so I’ll know if I need to stop and get him one on my way home from work.”

And then I wondered if I paid her $20 bucks if she would just go out and buy a card for me.

Never mind, with my luck my husband will find out and then we get to have THAT whole conversation over again.  Thank heavens this happens only once per year.  I don’t think I can manage more than that.


Because I don’t wear slippers when I mow the lawn, that’s why.

It all started out due to a complaint from my 18-year-old son that “it takes hours to mow the lawn!”  This comment coming right after a request for money based on household chores.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERANow, I love mowing the lawn.  Always have.  I get a real sense of accomplishment when I finish the lawn.  Cut grass smells wonderful, I get to listen to my iPod, get exercise and fresh air. 

And I would do it for free.

So in order to prove my point, I firmly stated, “Fine! I’ll do the lawn from now on so you can quit complaining!”  And then immediately thought to myself, “Stop. Wait.  What did I just commit to?”

We have a big lawn.  Big. Ass. Lawn.  Over an acre.  With stupid little trees and a muddy ucky back yard area where the septic tank empties.  And I know it is mucky because Abbey will run out there and then wait by the back door with muddy paws.  Which have to be rinsed and cleaned before she is allowed back in the house.

But I digress.  Now I had to mow the lawn.  So my husband and I went to the garage (because we still haven’t completed day three of shed building) and took out the riding lawn mower.  It had two flat tires.  And was covered in mud and grass clippings and the blade thingy looked really crooked.  After some mild swearing, my husband got the mower fixed best as possible (we couldn’t get it to stop making this agonizing screechy sound when the blade went over uneven ground).OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I decided to switch it up and not cut the lawn up and down.  So I went for the diagonal look.  Which would have been okay except I am also “backing up challenged” on a riding lawn mower as well as a car.  And I never did get the hang of the turning so wasted a lot of time mowing over the same part of lawn over and over again.  And while the speeds available were 1 through 6. I was steady at 3 and would get a fast heartbeat at 4 so it took forever to get done.

  • I got stuck in the mud in the back yard and my husband had to come rescue me.  I remembered to raise the blade.  Didn’t dawn on me to use reverse.
  • Next time I should aim the grass clipping spout away from the newly opened swimming pool.
  • And I really need to pick up all the dog poop before using the push mower in those hard to get spots.  (Self-propelled is a very loose interpretation of our mower)
  • I can’t believe how many stupid big pieces of wood are strewn all over the lawn from just a few stupid trees.
  • I would rather re-mow an area 12 times than rake and bag up grass clippings.
  • I don’t care how pissy my husband gets; I am NOT going to take the time to remove the grass clippings from the driveway and sidewalk when finished.

At least I was dressed appropriately.  My son wears slippers. These have been sitting on the front porch for weeks. Mine are white with green grass stains.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And I almost lost it when my son came to me as I was laboring with the push mower under a stand of pine trees on the south side of our property.

“Why are you mowing that? It belongs to the neighbors.”

“It does not.  This is all our property. In fact, I wish the neighbors would let us mow all the way to their driveway.”  (Like he just found this out?  After two years of mowing the lawn?)

“Are you going to get something for dinner when you’re done?”

Some questions just don’t deserve an answer.  And for the record, it took me 6 hours to mow our lawn.  I am paying myself $200.