Tag Archives: highway

My Highway Notes

I just spent a long weekend driving across 4 states for 6½ hours each way. I started this post by whining about the drive but then I remembered that I have already done that. More than once.  In an effort to NOT repeat whining (yes, this is very hard for me; thank you) I have decided to instead talk about all the POSITIVE things from my drive:

  1. How nice is it to drive between 80 and 85 mph in 65 -70 mph posted highways and not see one single highway patrol cop?
  2. I love following a single car for like 100+ miles on a divided county highway and then waving good-bye when we finally have to part ways. I especially love it because they are driving faster than I am so they would get caught first.
  3. I am so in awe of the POS gray Chevy with the door held closed by clothesline rope; duct tape along the back window so it doesn’t totally cave in; no back bumper; very obvious dents, rust and boos- boos and the driver who has the absolute confidence to drive it on a major highway.
  4. I am thankful that my daughter had the TS 1989 CD. I will again apologize that it got stolen when I arrived home. I think someone put it in my car.
  5. If I ever do get pulled over, one of my ready excuses is that I needed to speed in order to get out of the “blind spot” of the driver in the right lane. A totally safety based excuse, right? Except my husband totally ruined it by pointing out that I didn’t have to go fast to avoid that; I could also just slow down as well.
  6. Since I was driving my daughter’s car, I did ask for permission:

“Can I eat Doritos in your car?  Car said okay.”

“If I find any chips or Doritos cheese on my steering wheel, you owe me $20.”

“Car said I only had to pay $5.00”

  1. So there were three lanes with a prissy red car in the right lane, a truck in middle and a semi in the left lane (of course). It took me FOREVER to get around this road block but I did and then sailed away with the wall of cars behind me and all the traffic piled up behind them.  But then I felt bad.  So I changed to the left lane and went 50 mph until the semi caught up with me and had to slow down which broke up the wall.  Anyone caught in that “effectively blocked in” hell can thank me later.
  2. I really appreciated the cashier at the Quickie Mart telling me that 5 hour energy (Very Berry is my favorite) is much cheaper at the Dollar Store. But I really needed it RIGHT THEN so it was okay to overpay. Probably should not have bought the fried shrimp, though.
  3. I have had to make this drive numerous times so here are my landmarks:
    • Smelly landfill (depending upon the wind)
    • Lonesome tree (need to get a picture – someone even put a sign on it that says it)
    • Land of Fast Food. Too bad it comes either too late on my way there or too soon going home. I have figured out that the only fast food restaurant missing is an Arby’s. And Krystal is my favorite.
    • Macy’s (because there is no Macy’s in my state and that makes me and my Macy’s credit card very sad)
    • Turn off for my work. So once I reach my work road, I feel like I am already home even though I still have 45 minutes of driving.
  4. It is better when I get to drive it by myself.  I worry when I make the drive with my husband that he is going to drop me off somewhere along the route for being too annoying. Not that I blame him. But I’d just go get a rental car.

I didn’t win Nuthin’!

So yesterday was local election voting day.  And I wanted to vote.  Which meant I had to make sure 7 pm didn’t roll around without my realizing it so I could make it to the polls on time.  I had issues on the ballot.  Like hating a candidate for school board and a tax levy request when the current budget was already a mess.  My 19 year old son went with me to vote as well but I think he just wanted the “I VOTED!” sticker.

But I didn’t win.  Any of them.  I voted and I lost.  And now I can bitch all I want because I voted.

Onto another topic:

I was driving home on I-75 last week when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw this bitchin’ grey car froggin’ down the highway behind me going at least 90 mph. And this was a FROGGIN BOSS!  He or she was amazing.  Strong, confident, professional race car quality moves from lane to lane.  Left lane to center lane back to left lane and center crossed to right with the gas pedal on high. I was in awe.  The car passed me in a blur as I stalled behind the stupid black SUV going 68 mph in the left lane.

As I continued my drive home, I noticed a white car coming up very quickly behind me.  Because I know proper highway etiquette, I immediately moved to the center lane.  It was a Highway Patrol and I had a good bet on who they wanted.

But too much time had passed; I thought FOR SURE that the froggin boss would have been up ahead by at least 3 exits by the time the patrol passed.   “No way they are going to catch him,” I thought.

As I continued my drive, I saw the lights of the patrol car go on. And then a car was pulled over.

“Wait.  No – tell me it isn’t so!”

But yes, the highway patrol had caught my hero car.

For just a second I wondered if it would help if I pulled over and explained to the cop just how bitchin’ good this driver was.  For some reason I rather doubted they would have been as impressed as I was.

A Commuter’s Prayer to God

Dear God, Please forgive me for my morning commute.  I am sorry that I cursed and screamed inside my car the entire way to work. I pray that You will be able to help all the obviously driving impaired people on today’s roads.

Please help Mr. Stupid in the blue truck realize that a yellow caution sign does not mean stop completely.  And dainty lady in the white car needs to work on her highway merge skills. Which means you GO FAST to merge; not go, slow, check for cars; go and slow, check for cars.

And please forgive me for yelling “WTF!” in exasperation when the vehicle in the left lane effectively boxed me in on purpose behind the construction truck. And left me there to rant and rave as he maintained the same speed for over 4 miles.

I honestly swear that I did not see the black SUV in my blind spot when I erratically changed lanes on the highway.  And I did look.   I am so in awe of Your powers to magically have cars appear like that.  Even more so that You keep them safe.  I even appreciate the small token of the wussy horn that the SUV shared with me.

Forgive them, Lord, for not knowing that the posted “45 MPH” speed signs are a suggestion; not an absolute.  And I truly did not know that the little girl was just learning how to drive when I tailgated her for driving too slow on the two lane road.

And finally, Lord.  I have to ask for Your assistance in keeping all the other drivers safely away from me and we’ll all be fine.

Amen.