Tag Archives: paint

Home Improvement – DONE!

So, does anyone want to buy a house? Because now that the renovations are FINALLY finished, ours is up for sale.  I mean, it’s not like we installed new carpet and painted the interior for our own future living enjoyment.  Everyone knows you do all this hard work and then when it’s done you wonder why the hell you didn’t do it earlier when you could enjoy it yourself.  Because you don’t. What you do is put your house up for sale.

We had a POD delivered and filled it with most of our stuff so we could stage our house in the most impersonal way possible.   Except once the POD was taken away, I realized I had packed away stuff I still needed.  No problem – just went out and bought new.  Everyone needs two circular saws, right?

Note the "Podzilla" name - Awesome!

Note the “Podzilla” name – Awesome!

I had to explain to Boca-cat that the litter box had to go.  You can’t sell a house with a litter box in it.  It’s a rule.  And the dogs had to vacate the premises when the house was being shown.  Which was super cool to them because they got to go to the park and poop in a new grassy lawn (thank heavens for park supplied pet poop bags).

Every time I mowed the lawn I would pray it would be the last time.  Because I am so over mowing almost two acres of land.  (Although I am still totally loving my weed whacker and have newly discovered how awesome it is to use a pressure washer)

And Craig’s List became my new friend.  Because I had to sell this:

 And this:

 And this:

 And this: And also this:

 As you can see,  we had some projects in mind and while some of the materials were used, we had leftovers. Went pretty cheap.  I wasn’t in the mood to bargain.  Unfortunately the one thing I REALLY WANTED TO SELL WAS THIS:

 Alas but not to be.  Lawn still needs to be mowed.

Then there was the “green pool incident” where I came home after a few days out of town to discover that our swimming pool water had a definite greenish tint to it.  Larry, the go to guy at the pool store immediately knew what it was (But I do think he was a bit taken aback when I gave him my water sample stored  inside a Christmas Tupperware bowl.  I mean EVERYTHING went into the POD).  Larry started explaining to me about fertilizer and algae and how I needed to put in 8 ounces of this and turn off the pool pump and then back flush the something. At which point I totally lost interest.

“Look, Larry” I had to explain, “all I do is skim the pool. So anything more than that just isn’t going to happen.”

So I got a different bottle of algae stuff, written directions on how much to put in when and agreed to clean the pool with a brush everyday for a week.

I am beginning to hate the pool as much as the lawnmower.

My husband is still working out of state so I am doing this all on my own.  In hindsight I probably should not have mentioned to my husband that I had our day laborers check the oil in my car and give Abbey a bath.  Because they were so great and helpful and I was paying them $15 an hour. Each.

But now it is all over.  For Sale sign on the front lawn.  I. Am. Done.

Home Improvement – Part 3 (Paint, Drywall and a New Front Porch)

My daughter and I are terrible at painting. And the reason I know this is because of the following conversation:

Christina: “OMG! A SPIDER!”
Me: “Well, do something!”
Christina: “I am NOT touching it!”
Me: “Well, then just paint over it, for heavens sake”

And no one will ever know exactly where the dead, painted over spider is located.

Then there was the “paint matching exercise.” We had used one main color for the interior of the house. But then I got pissy and tired of that color so decided to switch it up in the dining room and used a different color. I really should have noted which paint went where on the outside of the cans. It took me three times but I finally matched the color. It is amazing how you really believe that “when it dries, it will match the wall.” Yeah, it didn’t.


Next was the drywall. Now, the reason I decided to try my hand at drywall was because I got to watch Tony (my new DIY guy) do drywall. Seemed simple enough. So off I went with patch pieces and drywall mud. Here is the final outcome:


If anyone ever asks – it was like that when we bought the house. (For the record, the wall was the inside of a linen closet).

Finally here is yet one more example of why my husband irritates me. He said we needed to redo the whole front porch. I told him it was a waste of money and we just needed to spruce it up with some paint.

Here is the Before Picture:


And here is the After Picture:

front house

Sigh. Okay, fine. He was right.

Home Improvement Part 2 (Pets)

Was it the cat or the dog?  Casey - The cement was on his feet.

Was it the cat or the dog? Casey – The cement was on his feet.

In all fairness to Abbey, my son's tennis shoe imprint was there, too.

In all fairness to Abbey, my son’s tennis shoe imprint was there, too.

If it is a box, it is considered a Boca Bed

If it is a box, it is considered a Boca Bed

And when all the banging and strange people become too much, Casey hides under the bed.

And when all the banging and strange people become too much, Casey hides under the bed.

It’s SUPPOSED to be a Dragonfly!

My daughter and I went to a Wine and Canvas event and painted a dragonfly. This was totally my idea and as soon as Christina realized she would not have to pay for it, she was totally on board.

Having the opportunity to use real paint on an actual canvas was awesome!  We felt like true artists. (Except I doubt true artists would mistake their cleaning water with a glass of wine but that is why it is called Wine and Canvas, right?)  We had a great teacher named Zack. There was this one girl next to me who drew a great big picture of a large inverted penis on her canvas. For some reason she wasn’t happy with it so Zack instantly transformed it into a dragonfly.  THAT is talent!  He also totally fixed Christina’s motion lines and as an added educational bonus, knew what a “thorax” was on a bug.

Official Artist and Instructor - Zack

Official Artist and Instructor – Zack

Just like real artists, we got to mix colors together and had five brushes to use.  I totally blame any faulty artistry on the fact that my #5 brush had issues. Although to be honest, Christina did mention to me that mixing green with white would have worked better with paint rather than the sour cream that came with our nachos.  (The event was held at a Mexican restaurant so that was totally not my fault and in fact, should be expected).

But what pissed me off the most was that Christina’s picture was better than mine. She should at least have had the decency to make sure hers was uglier since I paid.

When I mentioned hanging my picture on a wall at home, my husband vetoed the idea.  He said the colors didn’t match our decor.  So next time my plan will be to paint a neutral colored mostly pastel picture of a penis.  With motion lines.