Tag Archives: snow

10 New Year’s Resolutions I would make if I made New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Lose weight. But that is way too common. So I would add: Lose weight with the totally committed and attentive efforts of a personal trainer named Brett. In the meantime, some pharmaceutical company will make millions by finally developing a diet pill that really works. And my insurance company will cover it with a $5 co-pay.
  2. I will always assume positive intent from others. Which is way hard. But noble, don’t you think?
  3. I will NOT see one speck of snow for the entire 2016 year.
  4. Both my kids will decide to fully commit to college following 90 days of constant nagging, descriptive adjectives of how to avoid career failure and the realization that $12 an hour is really NOT that much money when you are 37. Which means they can enroll in time for the summer term.
  5. Quit yelling at Boca every time he is mean to the dogs. Because honestly, it is entertaining. You can tell Boca is in a mood. The dogs know it is coming and then WHAM! instant chaos. Besides, Boca is still wearing the stupid collar with a bell on it (he is on number 3 collar – he keeps losing them outside somewhere).
  6. Let my husband believe that the reason I am taking all my clothes off in bed is because I really do want to fool around and not because I am having a massive hot flash. Yeah. That is so not going to happen.
  7. Learn to back up a car without hitting something. And I would do this by enrolling in a driver’s education course like the teenagers have to take before they get their license. Except I am afraid my teacher would fail me. And then my husband would never let me forget it. (True Story: The day of my son’s high school graduation the parking lot was way full. The guy coordinating the parking asked if I could back into this really tiny space on the end of the lot next to a big ditch. My daughter immediately told me to get out of the car and she perfectly parked the car in that little spot. At least the one right thing I did was make my husband give the kids their driving lessons)
  8. Quit leaving all my stuff on the big counter in the kitchen. Which would really mean I would just leave all my stuff on the kitchen table. Or on top of the dresser. Or somewhere in the living room. Good heavens, we have been married for almost 30 years. Get over it already. Not. Going. To. Happen. Ever.
  9. Buy a new purse without drama. Yeah. Right.

And Finally:

10.  Write a book. Because I really do want to. In fact, my plan last year was to write a page a day until it was done. So if I had truly committed, I would have had a book by now. Which would have been self-published and sent to everyone I know as a Christmas present. My friends and family should thank me.

Damn Snow

Now, I don’t mean to diminish the fact that lots of other states got a lot more snow than I did – But DAMN!  This has GOT to end.  I watched the big, fluffy white flakes softly fall from the blue-gray sky all day on Saturday while in my mind I heard a gentle voice say, “You know you will have to shovel that shit tomorrow.”

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And then tomorrow came. And I shoveled away.  I used to enjoy shoveling the snow from the driveway. Of course that was before it was five inches deep and iced over.  And for those of you who are driveway snow challenged – once you drive over the snow, it becomes packed and then iced and then you are only going to remove that crap with an ice pick and a bag of rock salt.  Now, I have heard it called “Heart Attack Snow Shoveling.”  Which is a funny term to me because heaven knows I am personally not going there.  I’ll take my time, take breaks, take time to bitch and whine, ask my daughter to help (like that would ever happen – she did offer to vacuum the livingroom though), blow my nose, yell at the dog, drink hot chocolate, etc. so there is definitely no strain on my part.  But after three hours, I was about done. Wasn’t fun anymore. It had officially become a snow chore.  And snow chores suck.

Realize that I also have to shovel for the pets.  Which means I am shoveling snow off grass.  There is something so wrong with that statement.  Yet when I see poor little Casey trying to pee in five-inch deep snow, well, I am entertained but then I have to be nice to the little dog.  Besides, both Boca and I are still pissed about the whole cat litter box thing.

As I was shoveling away, I heard a loud Ker-Plunk!  I looked up to see this:

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A big batch of snow fell off my daughter’s car roof.  That ended it right there.  It was a sign. I was finished.

More Car Snot

For the record, I washed my car TWO days ago and this is what it looks like already. And all that car snot on the parking lot around my car certainly does not belong to me.  More snow – going South this weekend.  I can’t take much more of this.  (Note to husband:  I do not need a lecture on not parking within my parking spot.  I am special.  Therefore I park where I want).

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Light Dusting of Snow my ass

So my husband TOLD ME we were going to get snow.  But I didn’t listen – or more aptly – this is what I heard “We will probably get a light dusting of snow.”  So imagine my surprise and pissiness when I went to work on Monday and saw this:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIf that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t find my car snow brush that was put away last March so I had to use a broom that is still in my car and I can already imagine how that conversation is going to go when my husband asks me where the broom is.

Fell twice on the driveway as I tried to clear off the car.  Yes, I had high heels on.  Because this wasn’t supposed to happen.

And then I needed gloves. Couldn’t find gloves so ended up with these:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI mean, can a pair of gloves get any uglier?

I can’t handle this already.  The current temp outside is 10 degrees.  It is mid-November.  This had better be the last of the snow until Christmas.  And my snow brush and winter gloves had better show up before then.

OMG I am becoming one of THEM!

When we had our last big snow of the season, I proactively checked the day and time for my shoveling schedule.   Yes, I am getting VERY tired of my winter shoveling exercise plan.  However, it is important to me that we have the best shoveled driveway on our 1.2 mile road. (Trust me, I check as I drive home everyday).

The snow was expected to start on Sunday and would be finished by early Monday morning.  But that wasn’t going to work for my schedule.  Because I had a meeting Monday morning and I didn’t want to have to get up at the crack break of dawn to do anything but check my phone, see that it was 6:15 am, turn over and go back to sleep.  Then I had this great idea!  I could start shoveling snow on Sunday (pre-shovel, I would call it) and then by Monday morning I would just have a smidgeon of snow left.

I waited as late as I could on Sunday and finally got all dressed up in my special pink boots, Elmo hat and shovel gloves around 5 pm.  As I shoveled, it was rather disconcerting to see my newly shoveled driveway quickly fill back up with snow.  My husband didn’t think this was such a great idea but I told him he either had to quit watching and commenting or come and help.

I had to physically stop myself from starting all over again when I reached the end of the driveway.  Yes, there was still snow, but only a half inch or so – I could even drive over it except I wanted a CLEAR (and tidy) driveway.

When my alarm went off at 7 am on Monday morning the snow was finished falling.  I pulled on my snow shoveling outfit and headed out.  Maybe my husband was right, I thought.  This did seem to take as much time as yesterday. But I would never admit to that, of course.

As I continued to shovel it suddenly dawned on me that I was behaving just like those old retired people who lived in our neighborhood in Florida.  After a hurricane we would go outside to survey the damage and see these old people calmly picking up the debris and trash and cleaning their lawn.  I would smugly  said to my husband: “OMG, I hope I am never like that – get a life  huh?”  And then I would let my two toddlers play in the water in the ditch next to the house and watch out for snakes.

But I am just like them. I was even worse.  I didn’t even wait for the nature event to finish and I was compelled to clean it up.

I guess my only saving grace is that the snow should be over.  At least it had better be.  Otherwise I would have to move to Florida and worry about cleaning the lawn after a hurricane.

Before picture

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After Picture.  Bestest driveway on the road!

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1st Grade Artwork

1st grade artwork

A first grade girl handed in the drawing above for a homework assignment.
After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child’s illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This picture is of me selling a shovel.

Mrs. Harrington

It all depends on how you want to define “quality family time”

It is March and we just received 9 inches of snow. NINE INCHES! Don’t get me wrong; there are many things I like that are 9 inches. Like a corndog. Or a 6 inch Subway sandwich. Or a package of thin mint Girl Scout cookies. But not snow. I wanted to cry this morning when I saw my snow covered car sitting in the driveway. All this in one night when the day before the temperature was in the 40’s and it is supposed to be in the 50’s by the end of this week.

snow car
So I changed into warm clothes (including my special batman hat) and started shoveling the snow off my car. At the same time I was complaining in my head that it wasn’t fair that my husband’s car got to sit in the garage all night nice and snow free. After I had the car pretty much done, I was completely overwhelmed with the thought of having to shovel the driveway, too.

So I did what any other working mother would do at 7:00 am. I went to wake up my kids.

“Time to get up!” I yelled as I walked up the stairs. “It is a beautiful snowy white morning and I have some special family time planned.”

It took about 15 minutes but I finally got my kids attention. My son was the first to quickly point out that “this is not family time, but torture time.” My daughter offered a completely acceptable alternate plan of action; that she would clean the entire house today if I would just go away and let her sleep. I not stupid; I took the deal.

So my son, husband and I went outside to further contemplate the awful snowiness of our extremely long driveway. My husband quickly pointed out that there were only two snow shovels so his time was best spent in his office paying bills. Which left me and Michael.

“Give me the damn shovel,” he groused. (Guess there wasn’t an energy drink in the fridge for him). So we both shoveled away as quick as we could. And we got the job done in less than one hour. In the process, Michael heaped a ton of snow on top of his sister’s car.

snow driveway

When we were done, my son did offer one suggestion:
“Next time you know it is going to snow, would you please park your car at the end of the driveway?”
Damn kid.