Tag Archives: underwater video

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty

During one of the cruise ship stops in Honduras, we went to this private island to do some snorkeling.  It has been years since I went snorkeling and it is nice to know that the inflatable vest still keeps me afloat.  There were absolutely no instructions given so when I saw these ugly algae covered bottles tethered to the ocean floor, I stayed as far away as possible. No one told me you were supposed to follow them like trail pointers.   I also quickly learned that one must not float ABOVE the coral because you will end up with a skinned knee or shin or something.  (It is difficult to curse under water when you find yourself in that position.  Not impossible, just difficult).  When I suddenly realized no one was around me, I popped my head up above water to find the deck with the people w-a-y f-a-r a-w-a-y.  I don’t think I ever swam so fast back to home base. All I could remember was the movie, Open Water.

They also had an animal sanctuary on the island. There were jaguars, monkeys, birds, panthers and these little kitty’s called ocelots.  The jaguars and panthers were rescued from drug dealers who would shut them up in a room filled with drugs, money and guns and use them as guard dogs. Try and find the monkey in this picture:

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The ocelot was a cutie.  So I went to the fence and leaned in calling “Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty” and was rewarded when this one came down to greet me.  GE POCKET CAMCORDER“How cool is this?” I thought.  Until the ocelot turned around, flashed up his tail and proceeded to spray cat urine all over the left side of my body.  “Oops, I guess I should have warned you,” was all I got from our tour guide.  Damn Cat. I bet Boca could have beat his ass.  Trust me no amount of soap or ocean water makes you feel clean after that.  (And I didn’t appreciate all the “Do you smell something?” comments from my husband, either.)

We also did this thing called “Sea Trek” where you put on these $10,000 helmet thingys that weighed 75 pounds and then you descend down this long ladder 30 feet to the ocean floor and get to walk around.  That was pretty damn neat although I was disappointed to find out that they do not pump Valium induced oxygen into the helmets.  It took me forever to climb down the ladder and I refused to leave the final step because I couldn’t touch the ocean floor.  The guide had to literally pull my ass off that ladder.  But once down, it was so cool and you could actually walk around and see all the coral and huge fish and colorful fish and other ocean stuff.  What I really liked the best, though was that I could jump really, really high.  Like a whole person high.  Which I proceeded to do again and again.  Until the guide told me to stop. GE POCKET CAMCORDEROh yeah, I also didn’t appreciate the underwater video that my husband took of my 15 minute descent down the ladder into the ocean.  I’m sorry but  no one needs to see that much of my butt, ever.

What I Learned About Cruise Ships

So we are back to the c-c-c-cold state of Ohio after a wonderful two-week vacation.  Don’t worry, I won’t share all our vacation photos and CERTAINLY WILL NOT share the underwater video of my butt descending into the ocean down a really long ladder.  The last time I was on a cruise, my now-adult children were sent to the ship daycare just to give you an idea of how long it has been.  But I did learn a few things:

  • The boat makes money with pictures.  Lots and lots of pictures = Lots and lots of money. Because it is so cheap to make them and then they charge $20 bucks to take them home.  But I have to give my husband credit; he didn’t bitch once about having to pose for all our photos.  And I totally bought them all.

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  • There just should be a law that children under the age of three are not allowed on cruise ships. That or have enough sound proofed rooms that we can’t hear them. 
  • I think I took more photos of the towel-animals than of the scenic island shots:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA(I have about 15 more of an elephant, lotus flower, cat, and giraffe but I restrained myself).

  • I learned that the average person gains 1.5 pounds per day on a cruise.  So I gained 10 pounds.  But I cannot confirm that because there is no way in hell I am going to step onto a scale for the next few months.  (Damn that Pirates Pizza that was open at 2 am every day!)
  • They sell A TON of watches.  Why?  Because they know that once we set sail, no one is going to want to pay $2,000 in roaming charges traveling out of the country.  So you have to have a regular watch to always stay on “boat time.”  We were lucky. I have a watch that I wear purely for decoration and it was the most used item the entire trip.  But boy did they make some bucks selling a ton a watches in the gift shop!
  • The cups sucked.  The only free drinks were tea, lemonade and tap water.  And all they had were tiny plastic cups.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERASo even I had to pay $16 bucks for a stupid bigger cup.

We had a blast and I now have a tan that will last exactly two days and will fade as soon as it realizes I am no longer near the sun.  I do have much more to share. Don’t worry – no pictures of me in a bathing suit.  I have my standards.